November 24th, 2010

Gift-Giving In a New Relationship

By Vanessa Jones

The holiday season is around us in full swing, so what’s to stress about? If you recently started dating someone and are freaking out about what to get them as a gift, take a deep breathe and relax. While gift-giving can be tricky for new couples, there are some standard tips to go by to make the experience less of a nightmare for you. The following are tips to help you pick out the perfect gift:

• Evaluate the Type of Gift: Think about and consider how long you’ve actually been involved with each other and go on that. Some people really look into gifts, so it is best to choose one that reflects your feelings and thoughts. If you haven’t been dating long, go with something that’s cutesy and fun. If you’ve been dating a little longer or knew each other before, it’s okay to give a little more.
• Don’t go Overboard: If the two of you have not been dating very long, don’t go with a gift that is too much or too expensive. This may give your significant other the wrong idea. It may also lead him or her to think that you are trying to buy their company or give the wrong impression that you are trying to flaunt something. Remember, sometimes less is more.
• Pay Attention to What They Like: Observe what your partner wears, what kind of accessories they seem to like, whether or not they wear perfume or cologne, or what types of sports or things interest him or her. Paying attention to their likes and what they seem to be interested in can come as big help when its time to choose a gift. It also helps to pay close attention to what they say, as they might mention certain things they like and don’t like.
• Take Him or Her Shopping: Taking someone on a shopping trip with you could be one of the easiest ways to help think of a gift for him or her. Be sure to let the person think they are joining you on a shopping trip and pay close attention to something that may catch their eye. If that doesn’t work, suggest something to your partner to see what he or she thinks about it and how your partner reacts to it.
• Keep an Eye Out for Needs: Keep a close eye out for something he or she may need. If they are constantly loosing stuff, saying they wish they had more of something, or you notice that they need something, buy it as a gift. That way, it’s a safe way to know your gift will be a hit, and it shows you pay attention.
• Ask Their Friend for Help: If you don’t feel completely comfortable choosing something on your own, ask someone close to your significant other for help. Ask a brother, sister, close friend, neighbor, or family member with help choosing a gift. Be sure to tell them not to specifically ask your significant other or be too obvious about the help, and be sure they don’t spill the beans.
• Ask Someone to Help You: If you’re really not too comfortable or don’t really know anyone who knows your significant other well enough to ask for help, ask someone close to you for help. You may be able to get some solid ideas from your friends, siblings, or family members. If that doesn’t work, you can always ask the sales person at the store for some help on a traditional or neutral, but good gift.
• Keep it Classy: Even if things started off hot and heavy between you two, always be mindful and respectful when it comes to exchanging gifts. You never know who will be around when gifts are opened or whether or not family members and friends will ask to see the gifts they were given. Always keep it tasteful.
• Go With Something Simple: If you’ve tried everything else, and simply cannot find a gift you are confident in giving, go with something easy and simple. Simple gifts people love are: perfume or cologne, bath salts or lotion packages, flowers and a card, gadgets, a gift card, books, movies, tickets to an event or concert, etc. Just go with your gut, and choose something simple, it’ll be fine.

November 17th, 2010

10 Reasons You’ll Be Single Again On New Year’s

By Vanessa Jones

The new year brings new beginnings, fresh starts and sometimes depressing realizations that you’re still very single. When the clock strikes midnight, you find yourself among a crowd of people kissing, embracing and, for a second, it feels like all you’ve got is yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being single if that’s in fact what you want, but there’s almost always a reason why you are flying solo. Here are 10 reasons you’re single again at New Year’s:

1. You’re afraid of commitment: If you’re afraid of commitment, don’t expect to have a girlfriend or boyfriend for more than a couple months. If you want to have a relationship that won’t end when you hear "I love you," then consider dating someone who isn’t looking to get married any time soon and also wants to take things slow. If you want to keep your options open and not let anyone in, then put up that wall and you’ll find yourself single at New Year’s again.
2. You’re not over your last relationship: If you’re still pining over your ex and what you once had, you’ll definitely be flying solo for New Year’s. No one wants to date someone who isn’t over their last relationship and can’t stop talking about it. You can bet that while you’re sitting at home thinking about your ex, he or she is out there having a ball and not thinking about you. So, stop the pity party and move on.
3. You don’t date: If you don’t date because you’re preoccupied with your job, afraid of the opposite sex or don’t have time, you will most definitely be single at New Year’s. If you think you are too good to date, you’ll never find someone. Sure, giving your heart to someone puts you in a vulnerable position and you could end up hurt, but you could also learn a great deal about yourself, relationships and even, gasp, fall in love.
4. You date the wrong people: Some people don’t date and some people just don’t know who to date. If you have a track record of dating sleaze balls, prima donnas and people who are so wrong for you, it may keep you from being able to hold a relationship. Although some relationships can feel like a complete waste, try to learn something valuable from each experience and figure out what you want and don’t want in a significant other.
5. You’re in love with yourself: Self-love is fine and dandy, but if you’re so in love with yourself that you think no one else is good enough, you can go ahead and kiss yourself at New Year’s. Confidence is sexy, but egotism does not bode well in relationships.
6. You lack confidence: If you lack confidence, New Year’s may be a sad, sad night. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, it’s going to be that much harder to find someone to date you. You may retreat, stand in the shadows of your more outgoing friends and wait for someone to come talk to you, but that just isn’t going to cut it. It’s going to take some effort and confidence to let others see how great you are, and the rest will be history.
7. You scare away the opposite sex: Whether it’s your weak pick-up lines, awkward conversations or bad breath, you might be single for New Year’s yet again. If you find yourself scaring away the opposite sex at "hello" or after two months of dating, you may want to retrace your steps and see where you went wrong. Maybe it was nerves, insecurities or lack of chemistry, but continue to be yourself and put yourself out there because someone good will eventually come around.
8. You’ve stopped trying: Maybe you’ve let yourself go a little by growing a Grizzly Adams beard or not wearing makeup and quit going out to bars or parties with your friends. You may have simply stopped trying to impress or meet guys or gals because nothing has materialized for you. That’s understandable to an extent, but you’ve got to buck-up and get back out there because you aren’t going to find the man or woman of your dreams sitting on your couch.
9. You’re a player: If you’re a player, of course you’re going to be "single" on New Year’s night. You may actually have a girlfriend or boyfriend, but that isn’t going to stop you from picking up other girls or guys. This is a sad lifestyle choice, and you only have yourself to blame when you get burned.
10. You’re always in the friend zone: If you find yourself always ending up in the friend zone, where a person views you as a friend and not a romantic partner, then you’ll likely be single again on New Year’s. This can be a difficult zone to escape, but you’ve got to make the other person see that you’re more than just a nice guy or girl and you’d make an excellent mate. In order to do so, you may have to make a gutsy move, like asking them out or kissing them at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s.

November 10th, 2010

5 Sure-Fire Signs You Should Kick Him (or Her) to the Curb

By Vanessa Jones

Sure, every relationship is going to experience the joys of good days and the annoyance of bad days. It’s when you start experiencing too many bad days and forget what it was like to be happy, that you start to think that it may be time to review your relationship. While breaking up is hardly ever easy, if you find yourself thinking about it more often than not, it’s probably time to end it with what you thought was Mr. (or Mrs.) Right. Holding on to a relationship can be more harmful to either or both parties, and will only become worse with time. Here are some signs to let you know it’s probably time to kick your significant other to the curb:

1. You’re Not on the Same Page: It’s possible that the two of you are seeing things on a different level and don’t want the same things anymore. This is something that definitely needs to be shared and talked through. Pick a good time and place to talk and be completely honest. If the relationship is becoming serious, and you don’t have the same goals in life, or your partner treats the relationship casual, while you feel it is going to something more serious, it is best to cut ties. If you haven’t been dating very long, you may want to wait on this conversation for a couple of months to establish feelings and such before you have a "where is our relationship going" chat. Remember, changing is a part of growing, and the fact that things change doesn’t mean it’s anyone’s fault, it just means it’s better to realize it and move on.
2. Constantly Pulling the Disappearing Act: If you spend more time alone or with your friends than you do with your partner, it may be a sign that things are going south quick. If your significant other is constantly jumping into the next room to check or answer the phone, it may be a sign the relationship is over. The same applies for email, texts, and your partner finding the need to be top secret with his or her life. If your partner would rather spend their time with their friends and other people on a regular basis, you need to end things. There will obviously be times when he or she has other plans or has something else going on, but if you constantly find yourself hanging out alone, and sad and lonely about it, it is just not worth your pain to hold on- send ‘em packing.
3. You’re Unhappy: You should always take your feelings and instincts to heart. If you are unhappy and your partner does not show the least bit of interest for your feelings, then that person is simply not worth your time. Being in a relationship means that the two of you are supposed to be a team, communicate with each other, and make each other happy. If you feel your unhappiness is being caused by your partner, then it is probably a sign that you need to continue on without this person in your life. This is especially true if you have talked to your partner about your feelings and the way he or she makes you feel, and nothing has changed. Chances are, things will not get any better and you will realize down the road that you wasted your time.
4. That Feeling is Gone: There will be days when one or both of you is having a bad day and things may seem a little off, that’s pretty normal. However, if things have changed by a day and night comparison, it’s probably a sign that one or both of you isn’t feeling it anymore. If you feel like you are constantly annoyed or disappointed in the action’s exercised by your partner, keep a close eye out for this. Finding yourself thinking about happier days and the days when your partner acted in a nice and loving manner, could certainly be a sign. Your gut instincts are usually right, and if it’s gotten so bad that you can’t even stand the thought, much less to look at your partner, you know it’s over. If that feeling is gone, there is a little to no chance that things will be same again.
5. There is no Trust : There are few, if any, things more important in a relationship than trust. If there is a lack of trust in a relationship, it is only a matter of time before it kills the relationship. If you find yourself constantly wondering if your partner is lying about something, hiding something, or doing something you would not approve of, it will continue to cause problems down the road. If your partner gives you a reason to be suspicious and question their trust, chances are it is for a good reason. Not having trust in a relationship will cause small and frequent arguments, which are not worth it because trust is hard to earn back, and it will eventually tear the relationship apart. Do yourself a favor and end a relationship when trust is not present, you’ll be doing yourself a huge favor.

October 15th, 2010

6 Reasons to Slow Down Before Getting Married

By Vanessa Jones

Marriage is a very serious commitment that shouldn’t be rushed. As romantic as it is to escape and elope privately or get married on a whim, there are too many important things to consider before taking the plunge. Sure, you and your partner may be madly in love and know that you want to spend the rest of your lives together, but have you discussed children and career goals, or have you met with a premarital counselor to prepare for the ups and down of marriage? If you answered no to any of these questions, you may be getting ahead of yourself. Marriage is for a lifetime; and if you do it right the first time, once is enough. Here are six reasons not to rush into marriage:

1. Divorce: One of the top reasons not to rush into marriage is the high rate of divorce in America. According to a CDC report by the National Center for Health Statistics, there were 6.8 marriages per 1,000 people and 3.4 divorces per 1,000 people in 2009. Although the marriage and divorce rates have fallen slightly, divorce remains a serious issue that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Infidelity, financial struggles and lack of time are some of the top reasons people get divorced. Until you have considered all of these factors and have spoken to your partner about them, you may not be ready for matrimony.
2. It’s for a lifetime: If you truly believe in the institution of marriage and upholding marital vows, then you will promise to "love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy as long as you both shall live." Marriage is forever; not until things get rocky and you give up. This commitment cannot be taken lightly. So, unless you are prepared to spend the rest of your life with this one person, you may be rushing marriage.
3. You don’t really know your partner: If there is anyone you should know like the back of your hand it’s your partner, especially before you get married. Sure you know his or her favorite movie, pet peeves and goals, but have you thoroughly discussed religion, careers, children, politics, division of labor and in-laws? You may be surprised by your partner’s answers to some of these pressing topics, and they may not fall in line with your beliefs or plans for the future. These conversations generally come up when you’ve been dating someone for a long time and grow closer. No matter how in love you are after a couple months of dating, you most likely don’t know each other well enough to get married. Only with time, experiences and open communication will you truly know your partner.
4. It’s expensive: Marriage is an expensive union. Although every couple handles their expenses and budgeting differently, finances need to be discussed beforehand so your marriage doesn’t end up costing you money. Taxes, major purchases, investments and personal financial goals are all things that need to be considered before you jump into marriage. It’s so important that both partners understand their individual financial responsibilities and have money management skills before merging their lives and bank accounts.
5. Marriage is not easy: Anyone who thinks marriage is a piece of cake is fooling themselves. It takes a great deal of patience, cooperation and sacrifice to better one another and do what’s best for the relationship. You have to be prepared for this kind of commitment if you want a marriage to work. Trust, communication, togetherness and appreciation are all key components to keeping a marriage healthy and balanced. There will be many ups and downs in a marriage that will test the strength of your love, but if you are committed to talking through your problems and working as a team to find a solution, you’re doing it right.
6. Fear of ending up alone: As romantic as it sounds to get married after only knowing each other for a short period, it is not a realistic or smart move. If you are getting married because you think you’ve found the right one and don’t want to let him (or her) go, you could be doing yourself a serious disservice. Getting hitched because you don’t want to end up old and alone is not a good reason. You have to make sure you are making the right decision and you are getting married for the right reasons. This usually comes with time, communication and considerate planning.

October 6th, 2010

The Truth About “Friends With Benefits”

Sure, there are two sides to every coin. Just like in anything else, there are pros and cons of having friends who are a little more than just friends. Sometimes they work out great, and other times the issues commonly start when one person starts feeling a little differently about the "friends" part. For the most part, as long as both parties can agree on where the two parties stand, then problems shouldn’t really arise. Here, are some ups and downs of "friends with benefits":

The Ups

These are the things about "friends with benefits" that can make it worth the while.

• No Strings Attached: Having no strings attached means that friends that have special benefits don’t fall into normal relationship standards. They basically can date and see other people as they please, and are not really committed to their "friend." They generally enjoy dating around and having relations with several different people. This can definitely be a plus for people who just want to have relations with others that do not want the pressures and limits of a relationship.
• Convenience: There’s no doubt that a "friends with benefits" scenario can be convenient for both parties. It usually means the two parties can casually call or meet up at random times to hook up. It gives them both the opportunity to go out with other people and use the "friend" for benefits and when you are looking to have a good time. This also cuts the whole dinner, drinks, and pretending to care bit.
• It’s Comfortable and Fun: Having this type of deal, usually means that the two involved are comfortable with each other and that their relationship is casual. Many people who take advantage of the "friends with benefits" scenario like that they are already comfortable with the person they mess around with, so it’s easy. This usually eliminates dating or having an awkward sexual encounter with a stranger.

The Downs

These are the things about "friends with benefits" that make you want to cut all ties.

• Becoming Too Involved: A downside to "friends with benefits" is that sometimes, one person may become too involved. One person may start becoming too interested in what the other is doing, or asking too many questions and it can put a strain on relations. If the two aren’t clear on the arrangements and how it works, there is a strong possibility things will not end well.
• Jealousy Issues: Jealousy issues can also be a downside to these kinds of relationships. If one person starts to become attached, they may start fights and arguments by being jealous of other people or other relationships their partner might have. Jealousy issues may also occur when one of the parties involved changes their feelings about the situation and doesn’t speak up about it.
• The Risk of Loosing a Friendship: These situations can end badly. When these type of deals end badly, there is a possibility that the friendship will be ruined. If the friendship is really important to the people involved, sometimes that is enough for them to realize and decide that a "friends with benefits" relationship probably isn’t the best idea for them.
• It May Taint an Image: Engaging in a "friends with benefits" relationship is just fine for those who aren’t looking to settle down. People must keep in mind though, that they may eventually want to settle down. If the person has an image and is known for having a lot of "friends with benefits", it may make it hard for the right person to trust that person or cause that new person to question their motives and intentions.

September 30th, 2010

7 Great Date Movies You’ll Both Enjoy

There's nothing like a great movie date. Snuggling next to your significant other and enjoying a great movie is one of the best ways to spend time together, but the movie has to be one that appeals to both the man and the woman in the relationship. Otherwise, what should be an enjoyable activity can turn sour very quickly. Here are seven great date movies that men and women can enjoy together.

1. Jerry Maguire: The 1996 classic, Jerry Maguire, is loved by men and women alike. Who can resist the popular scene of Cuba Gooding Jr. and Tom Cruise screaming "Show me the money" or the famous quotes, "You complete me" and "You had me at hello." Aside from a couple sappy parts, Jerry Maguire is an entertaining, lighthearted film that viewers can actually relate to.
2. Forrest Gump: Forrest Gump is a wonderful date film that you and your significant other will enjoy watching together. Forrest Gump will entertain you with his adventures, funny one-liners and unwavering love for the free-spirited Jenny. This movie will make you laugh, cry and cheer for the loveable characters all at once.
3. The Princess Bride: The Princess Bride is loved by the masses and could certainly fit into your movie date nights. This 1987 film has all the ingredients of a classic fairy tale with sword fights, giants, a kidnapped princess who's forced to marry a hateful prince, but is later saved by her childhood beau whom she falls in love with.
4. Casablanca: Casablanca is a timeless classic that you and your date can enjoy together. The complicated romance and sacrifice of Rick Blaine and Ilsa Lund proves to be more than either can handle, and makes for an unforgettable love story torn by war. Before you know it, you'll be quoting Humphrey Bogart's line "Here's looking at you, kid" and singing "As Time Goes By."
5. The Wedding Singer: The Wedding Singer is a hilarious and lighthearted love story about a wedding singer and waitress who are both engaged, but find that they are a better match for one another. You'll definitely laugh more than you'll cry watching this movie, while enjoying the killer '80s music.
6. Shakespeare in Love: Shakespeare in Love is a wonderful film for couples to watch together. In the late ‘90s this film won best picture and six other Academy Awards. With allusions to the great works of Shakespeare, a star studded cast, and plenty of laughs to go around, Shakespeare in Love is a great movie for both guys and girls to enjoy together.
8. Love Actually: Love Actually is a hilarious British film with an amazing cast that has become a must see romantic comedy. The movie chronicles the ups and downs of the love lives of several different groups of characters. This movie has a great big helping of intrigue, humor, sadness, love, and just about every other emotion you can think of. With superb acting and well-timed laughs, this is a great flick for both girls and guys to enjoy.

December 29th, 2008

Opening Up Communication in a New Relationship

Being in a new relationship is a wonderful thing.  There is a care-free feeling that comes with this new person in your life and the courtship phase of a relationship brings out feelings you may not have felt for some time.  The thing is relationships are not easy.  Once we move past the initial smitten phase, reality sets in, and the relationship becomes something that must be managed like other parts of our lives. 

Loving relationships are hard work, which is why so many young relationships fail to make it past the three month marker.  This is when we really begin to see the other person for who they are.  They are not perfect; like us, they too have flaws.  If you care enough for the other person to want to be with them, you must be able to have the freedom to speak from your heart in regard to your feelings and what you want out of the relationship.  What follows are a few tips to keep communication open in order to move your new relationship to the next level.

Be proactive and take the first step.  Most of us are afraid to express our innermost feelings with anyone, let alone someone you’ve known for a few short months.  However, if you truly see yourself staying with this person, it is of the utmost importance that you break the silence and start talking about things that really matter to you.  Gauge the person and decide how deep you should go in regard to feelings, but remember: it’s better to find out now whether or not they are willing to open up to you.

Don’t force the other person to tell you any more than they want to.  Perhaps sharing feelings is important to you, but your new partner is unsure of how much he or she wants to divulge.  This is natural; it is more difficult for some to express themselves than others.  If he or she is still willing to listen to you, it’s a good sign.  Just make it clear that whenever they are ready to talk, you are there to listen without judgment.

Write a letter to your partner.  Sometimes it’s just easier to get your thoughts down on paper.  Writing a handwritten letter to your partner shows that you are willing to take the time and commit what you have to say as a record for them to look back upon.  Expressing the way you feel comes out much more personally when written down.  Think clearly about what you want to say and don’t ramble on.  A great method when writing down feelings and issues is to start with positives, move on to address concerns, and then reinforce the positive aspects of the relationship once again at the close of the letter. 

 

December 29th, 2008

Dating in your 40s – Is it that Difficult?

Gone are the days when dating was a term associated only with teenagers and people in their twenties; gone are the days when dates were looked on as stepping stones to a deeper relationship or marriage. Today, we’re seeing the emergence of 40-plus men and women looking for people they can see on a casual basis – they’re divorced, widowed or still single and looking for companionship in the prime of their life. Marriage is not necessarily on the cards, but if it does happen, it’s a welcome side effect of dating when you’re above forty. The 40-plus dating scenario is both different from and same as its 20-something counterpart, and if you’re confused by this statement, here’s an explanation.

What’s still the same…

•    The uncertainty that’s a constant companion when you’re meeting someone for the first time, especially when you’re being set up on a blind date.
•    The anticipation as date night gets closer, especially if you know the person and are hoping to take the relationship to the next level.
•    The doubts that plague you about the relationship status after you’ve gone on a few dates.

What’s changed…

•    You’re more mature now, having gone through adult life and its trials and tribulations and wiser for the same. You don’t tend to make the same mistakes you did when you were much younger and clueless about life.
•    You carry emotional baggage, from your past experiences and relationships. They may be good or bad or a mixed bag – they always affect the way you look at and approach your new relationships.
•    Your family may or may not approve, especially your children. It’s up to you to make them understand that you need your own life and get them to see your point of view; try not to antagonize them even as you pursue your own happiness.
•    The people you meet are also battle-scarred warriors who’ve been down roads similar to the ones you’ve travelled, so be prepared accordingly.
•    You may not meet people who’re the same age or one or two years younger or older than you. They may be either much younger or much older, so if you’re choosy, you may not find too many datable people out there.
•    There may not be any of the tender-footing and leading questions that open a traditional date in your 20s. Most people who date in their 40s take the practical, no-nonsense approach and are open about what they’re looking for in the relationship right from the word go.

Dating in your 40s and above may seem like an uphill task, especially when you’ve been off the scene for decades. But it’s like riding a bicycle – once you learn, you never forget. So get into the spirit of things with the right attitude, and watch life begin anew at 40. 
 

July 17th, 2008

Dating Over 50: 100 Tips and Resources for Finding Love In Your Later Years

Dating is definitely not the same as it used to be. From online dating’s popularity to the new vision of life over 50, dating has moved from the traditional courtship to a more active and personalized endeavor, which is sometimes odd for those who are older or getting back into dating after a divorce or death. We recommend using the following resources and tips for knowledge and confidence to get back into the dating game.

Dating Sites for Seniors

Online dating sites are very popular and don’t hold the stigma they once did. From traditional matchmaking services to more modern online dating sites, these resources are sure to help you make a connection. All of these below are directed specifically at people at least 40 or 50 years old.

1. SeniorFriendFinder. Exclusively for singles over 40, this site offers free member profiles and almost 500,000 members. You can use email, instant messaging, and video messaging to contact members with a paid subscription.
2. Your Senior Dating Site. This dating site promises it’s about the people, so you won’t get advertisements, but you will get personal service and ease of use. Signing up is free, but you will need a membership to contact a potential date.
3. SeniorMatch.com. This site is only for singles over 50 and imposes a minimum age as well. This is one of the largest senior dating sites.
4. Primesingles.net. This site for those 40 and over has a fast sign-up and is easy to navigate.
5. 50YearsPlus.com. "A singles site for seniors with integrity" is how they describe themselves at this site. Enjoy a seven-day free trial to see if you like this one before buying a membership.
6. Executive Senior Dating. This matchmaking service conducts a 30-90 minute phone call with you and a matchmaking counselor to start their matching process.
7. Real Mature Singles. For those 40 and over, this matching service verifies that every applicant is legitimate before providing services.
8. Senior Singles Only. This matching service meets and screens all applicants in person. The applicants must be at least 40 and looking for a long-term relationship.
9. Dating For Seniors. For dating, friends, or a life partner, this online dating site offers opportunities for older singles. Your free basic membership must be upgraded to a paid subscription in order to have full access to all services.
10. Senior Passions. This free dating and social networking site offers the opportunity for "the next big love of your life, companionship, or just to make new friends."

General Dating Sites

These dating sites are not specifically for older singles, but they are very popular and usually have large member databases. You can specify what age range you are interested in meeting, so feel free to give these a try too.

11. Yahoo! Personals. Completely free, this online dating service offers a wide range of categories from which you can search. Due to the lack of cost and the popularity of Yahoo!, you are sure to find lots of potential here.
12. Match.com. One of the top online dating services, Match.com provides a huge member database. You can browse for free, but you will need a membership to contact any potential matches.
13. Chemistry.com. A part of Match.com, and working like eHarmony, this site relies on matching techniques to connect people. For those who have been rejected by eHarmony, Chemistry.com offers a great chance to try this method of online dating.
14. eHarmony. This dating service offers a unique approach to online dating. Instead of browsing for dates or waiting for someone to come to you, they rely on a complex personality matching formula and provide you with potential matches.
15. Perfectmatch.com. Using a compatibility system, this dating site emails you when a good match becomes available. Perfectmatch.com has been receiving lots of rave reviews recently.
16. SinglesNet. This free service offers most of the same services available in the for-pay dating services. Gaining in popularity, the database is over 5 million large.
17. Lavalife. Choose to look for dates, relationships, or intimate encounters on this site. You can create three different profiles for each of the three different categories offered or select only one or two of them. This service is totally free and has a huge member base.
18. Great Expectations. Combining online dating services and in-person matchmaking, this service meets every member in person and creates a match for potential dates. They also offer invitations to Great Expectations events where you can meet members face-to-face. This service is available in about 50 cities in the U.S.
19. Matchmaker. Answer questions about major issues to create your matchability with this site. The service is free, but you will need to pay if you want to contact a member.
20. Plentyoffish.com. This totally free site matches singles from around the world. Touting itself as a dating site for everyone, you can choose a specific type of dating environment such as older couples or Christian Dating.

Tips for Online Dating

Navigating the world of online dating may seem overwhelming at first. Follow these simple tips to help you create a great profile, know how to communicate well, and keep yourself safe.

21. Name. Choose a fun and creative name for your profile. Make sure it reflects your personality, too.
22. Profile. Keep your profile short, but succinct. Add humor and make it truly an extension of yourself. Proofread it and have a friend do so too so that there are no spelling or grammar mistakes.
23. Photo. Make sure your photo is of a good quality, recent, and reflects who you are. For example, if you love dogs, include your pooch in the photo too.
24. Respond to everyone who writes you. It doesn’t have to be much, but at least let the person know if you are interested or not.
25. Keep it short. When you first start correspondence with someone, you don’t have to tell your whole life story at once. Let it unfold slowly.
26. Make contact. Don’t just focus on one person. Be sure to contact several people who look interesting.
27. Be honest. Not only should you be honest about who you are and what you look like, you should also be honest if you are no longer interested in corresponding with them.
28. Don’t get too personal. Getting too personal or talking about sex can be very off-putting. Let the relationship develop in its own time.
29. Be safe. Don’t disclose any personal information such as a personal email address, IM account, or phone number until you’re sure you can trust the person you’re giving them to. Most dating sites provide email and IM accounts that protect your privacy, so take advantage of these.
30. In person. If you decide to move beyond the dating site, first talk by phone. After a few phone conversations, if you decide to meet in person, keep it in a public place and consider having a friend at a nearby table to secretly monitor the situation.

Opportunities for Meeting People Off Line

Don’t just depend on online resources for dating. There are lots of ways to find dates through more traditional routes. If you live in a senior community, there are often planned activities to meet new friends and partners. If not, get out there and enjoy learning or doing something new and you just might find a new partner, too.

31. Clubs. Join a club. With everything out there from the Elk’s club to a nature conservancy group, you are sure to find a group of folks with similar interests as you.
32. Volunteer. Volunteering can be a great way to meet people and stay social. You will be making a difference, too.
33. Book group. Combine reading with the social aspect of discussing your book to share an interest and possibly meet a dating partner.
34. Cooking class. Take a cooking class will not only get you out and meeting new people, you will be learning how to eat more healthily, too.
35. Cards. Playing cards is a fun and social experience. Find a group that meets regularly and join in.
36. Exercise group. Join an exercise group. Many groups are available that offer group opportunities such as aquatics, walking, or yoga.
37. Classes. Take an adult continuing education class and learn something new. Many universities and community colleges offer courses ranging from web design to throwing pottery.
38. Travel. There are many chances for group travel experiences that offer the opportunity for you to meet new people. The bonus to finding someone while traveling is that you know you both have the desire to explore and learn.
39. Dance. Take a dance class if you’re new to dancing, or sign up for a group that dances regularly if you already love to dance.
40. Get a dog. Not only will having a dog keep you company, but taking your dog out for walks, to local parks, or just around town with you opens up tons of opportunities for you to connect with other dog owners or just friendly animal lovers.

Articles

All of these articles touch on dating in your later years. From using senior dating sites to first date anxiety to flirting, these resources will help you feel more confident in your dating abilities.

41. How to Use Senior Dating Sites. This article offers good advice and tips for seniors on using online dating sites. This is especially helpful if you have limited experience with online groups.
42. Making the Most of the Senior Dating Sites. Another article on senior dating sites, this one suggests how to select an online service and some things to look for once you begin making connections with other singles.
43. Senior Dating Tips. This article offers some great tips for getting back out there on the dating scene.
44. Suddenly Single Seniors and Dating. Check out this article for great suggestions on dating, and specifically, finding someone through personal ads.
45. Seeking Love. This article offers real life stories and suggestions for dating when you are over 45. Here’s the proof that you don’t have to feel like life has passed you by just because you aren’t 20 anymore.
46. How to Overcome First Date Anxiety. Directed specifically at those getting back into the dating game after age 50, this article offers some great ideas to ensure you are feeling comfortable.
47. Seniors Dating. From ideas on where to look for a partner to some potential pitfalls to benefits of dating later in life, this article covers it all.
48. Mature Dating–Late Joiner. For advice on how to blend families in the later years, this short article offers helpful tips on how to facilitate the blending process.
49. Prime Time Women: Fifty is Not What It Used To Be. Find out why dating in your fifties is so great for women. And men, you can get tips on how to succeed with these dynamos.
50. How to Flirt Online. If you are giving online dating a try, this flirting primer will help you walk that fine line between showing interest and not showing too much.

Blogs

Blogs are a great way to learn from the experience of regular people. All of these blogs are either written specifically for dating over 50 or written by people sharing their experiences of dating over 50.

51. ChaiLife Atlanta. While this blog is specifically for Jewish daters over 45 in the Atlanta area, it also offers plenty of advice and support for those dating later in life, despite their location or religious affiliation.
52. You don’t have to be a "10" to find love after 50. Read an inspirational story about fate and finding your partner. This blog offers a sweet story of how an older couple found each other on JDate and the extraordinary circumstances of their lives.
53. Falling in Love at 49. Read about the coming together of this woman and her husband as they discover love. Browse her blog for other posts with advice on dating later in life.
54. Mature Dating: From Despair and Disappointment to Delight, Adventure, Ease, and Joy. This blog isn’t being updated anymore, but it contains lots of posts offering advice on dating after 50.
55. Misery Date. This entertaining blog post describes one woman’s approach to dating in her later years–and it’s all about embracing who you are and what you want.
56. Are You a Love Snob? Read about how some people approach love and commitment. This blog post will get you thinking about what is important in a relationship and what it means to you.
57. Over 50 and Single? Take a few minutes for yourself. Get tips on dating after 50 from this post. Use the search tool on this blog for other posts on dating from this 50+ writer.
58. Sex and Ageism in the Movies. This woman ponders the way Hollywood presents sex and romance for those in their 40s and 50s.
59. Safe Sex: Affection with Protection. As this writer states, "After more than a year of being single, what I have learned is this: Condoms are a fact of life." Find out which condoms rate high with this woman.
60. The Dating Game. This Baby Boomer writes about online dating after 50 and why it’s becoming so popular in this age group.

Dating after Divorce or Death of a Spouse

The loss of a spouse through either divorce or death can be devastating. Once you have given yourself time to grieve your loss, don’t stay mired in the past. Follow these suggestions to get yourself in a good place to start dating again.

61. Move beyond the past. You will not be able to move forward until you resolve your feelings about the break-up of your marriage or the death of your partner. Once you work through these feelings, you’ll find yourself in a much better place to go on with your life.
62. Rekindle old interests. Did you once have a passion for photography? Pick up that camera again. You may find that you can rediscover yourself through those interests you pushed aside years ago.
63. Find new interests. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to paint or go kayaking. Taking up new interests now will help you rediscover qualities about yourself you may have forgotten. It will also get you out and meeting new people.
64. Learn to enjoy your own company. After living with someone for a while, it can be difficult to enjoy doing things alone. Find ways to have fun on your own.
65. Take care of yourself. If you’ve gained a few extra pounds, find a way to get some exercise. Eat healthfully and take time to pamper yourself. If you feel good about the way you look and feel, others will too.
66. Lose the negative self-image. If you feel poorly about yourself, you are likely to attract people who will treat you badly. Make a list of your good qualities and remind yourself often of them. Work on building yourself up.
67. Reconnect with old friends. Track down old friends with whom you’ve lost touch over the years. Whether you find you’ve still got lots in common or you’ve both moved on, it will likely enrich your life anyway.
68. Develop new friendships. New friendships and support systems can help ease your transition after divorce or the death of a spouse. Find ways to connect with new friends of either gender.
69. Volunteer. No matter if you have a lot of free time or almost none, there is some place you can volunteer your time. Devoting some time working for others is a great way to discover new things about yourself. You can also spend time in looking after your pets. A dog can be very good companion, especially in troubled times.
70. Find a new job. Whether you are retired, you spent your life rearing children, or you’ve been working in a job you hate, get out there and find something fun you enjoy doing. You will meet new people and add a new dimension to your life.

Going on a Date

Now you’ve connected with someone and it’s time for your date. You will want to follow these tips to ensure everything goes smoothly and you and your partner have a great time together.

71. Show interest. You have accepted or asked someone on a date, so spend that time finding out about them. Try not to compare them to any ex partners, but find out what makes them unique and fun to know.
72. Dress appropriately. Dress in nice, clean clothes that reflect who you are. Don’t try to dress too young or too casually as you want to make an honest impression on your date.
73. Don’t go too fast. Loneliness or the desire to fill a gap left empty by an ex may drive you to want to find someone right away. Instead, slow down and appreciate the chance you have to enjoy meeting others.
74. Relax. Leave your insecurities about being on the dating scene at home. Have fun, enjoy your date, and you will find your date will appreciate you for just being yourself.
75. Don’t worry about imperfections. Your laugh lines show how much you’ve enjoyed life just as imperfections such as scars reflect the interesting life you’ve led. Don’t spend time worrying about these small character traits–enjoy your date instead.
76. Be accepting. Know that your date has also lived a full life that may not be exactly what you expect. Be accepting of the fact that your date may have commitments to children, debt from divorce, or any other number of factors that you might not have anticipated.
77. But don’t settle. Just because you are feeling lonely, don’t settle for less than what you deserve. A woman who always breaks your dates to be with her friends or a man who treats you with no respect are just not worth your time.
78. Be aware of old patterns. If you have a history of dating or marrying a certain type of destructive person, learn how to break the cycle. Especially if your past choices have lead you to dangerous situations such as drug abuse or violence, seek help to learn how to get away from your old patterns.
79. Whether to have sex. Whether or not to have sex with your date or how quickly to engage in sex may have a very different feel now than when you were twenty. Listen to yourself and do what you feel is right.
80. Practice dating. Let yourself go out with people who might not be the perfect match. This allows you to get back into the swing of things with a lot less pressure to make the date go perfectly.

Date Ideas

Whether it’s your first date together or your fifth, these ideas will spark conversation and help you learn about each other in an environment of fun, art, charity, or knowledge.

81. Picnic. Pack up a simple, romantic lunch or dinner and head out to a park. Sharing a meal together in nature is not only romantic, but it allows you the opportunity to get to know each other against a beautiful backdrop.
82. Get active. If you both play golf or tennis, take your first date on the go. After your game, you can stop off for a refreshing drink and snack to wrap up the date.
83. Museum. Visit a museum together. Wandering through the art or even deciding which type of museum to visit will tell you much about the other and is a fun way to spend the day.
84. Take a cooking class. With so many cooking classes available, you can decide on a type of class and pass a few hours learning how to prepare a special meal. Maybe your next date can be using your newfound skills to cook for each other.
85. Book reading. Attend a reading at a book store. You might discover you share a passion for the same books, author, or just reading in general.
86. Vino. Whether you have a nearby winery you can tour together or you can experience a wine tasting at a local store, share the fun of exploring wine together while you learn about each other.
87. Charity event. Attend a charity event together. The group setting may ease any first-date jitters and you will be helping a good cause.
88. On the water. Go out to a local river or lake and rent a paddle boat, kayak, or canoe. Whether you have experience or not doesn’t matter, it’s about having fun together.
89. See a play. Theater doesn’t have to be a big production or expensive. Many community and university theaters offer interesting, well-done, and affordable productions that you and your date can enjoy together.
90. Outdoor market. Head to an outdoor market such as a farmer’s market or flea market. Walking through and discovering what is available will allow the two of you to find out more about each other.

Sexuality

Your sexuality doesn’t go away after you turn 50. The following information and tips will help you stay safe, have fun, and enjoy the next level of your dating experience once you’ve found that special someone.

91. Aging. According to an AARP study, 49% of older couples engage in sexual intercourse once a week or more. That number drops to 34% in those over 70, but it looks like the myth of older couples not enjoying sex is just not true.
92. Antidepressants. Many people on antidepressants relate how their sex drive is almost eliminated. Most of the medications responsible for the loss of libido are SSRIs. Check with your doctor about take Wellbutrin, which has been shown to actually increase sex drive in one study.
93. Don’t stop. Not having sex can have negative effects for when you want to begin again. For women, the elasticity of the vaginal walls breaks down and for men, the blood flow is inhibited by lack of use. The good news is that if you don’t have a partner, masturbation will help keep everything working in proper order.
94. Sexual peak. While men reportedly have their sexual peak in their teens or 20s and women in their 30s or 40s, there is also information suggesting that men and women also have a psychological sexual peak that is different from the physical peak more commonly known. For both men and women, the psychological peak occurs in their 50s.
95. Having sex. Once you begin having sex with a new partner, always take precautions against STDs. Talk openly with your partner about your sexual health and use condoms. Just because pregnancy might not be an issue doesn’t mean you shouldn’t worry about STDs.
96. Condom care. Keeping a condom in your wallet is not a good idea. The friction and temperature changes can create microscopic tears in the condom that allow sperm to get through.
97. Polyurethane condoms. Condoms made of lambskin are effective against pregnancy, but they do not protect you from STDs. If you have a latex allergy, polyurethane condoms are a good alternative. Recent studies show that they are as effective against STDs as latex condoms.
98. Prostate health. A study published in the Journal of American Medical Association indicates that frequent ejaculation helps improve prostate health. That’s good news for men.
99. Dryness. Vaginal dryness can negatively effect the sexual experience for women and the reduction in hormones that occurs with age can produce more dryness. Try using a lubricant specifically designed to replicate the natural secretions such as K-Y Silk-E or Astroglide.
100. Kegel. These exercises have long been known to help women reduce incontinence after menopause, but they also help men to improve performance and enhance orgasm. Start doing Kegel exercises today.

June 17th, 2008

10 Essential Dating Lessons from Sex and the City

 

There is no denying the impact that "Sex and the City" has made on the contemporary dating scene. Just ask any single, cosmopolitan woman and she will undoubtedly be familiar with the many adventures of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda. We could all learn from the show, as it bravely unmasks every dirty detail of finding love in the modern world. Below are the 10 most essential dating lessons from "Sex and the City."

1. It’s Okay to Be Single – This was perhaps the most important lesson that "Sex and the City" bestowed upon the world, particularly where women were concerned. Although singledom didn’t always bring happiness to the four main characters, the ladies sure made it look like fun 90 percent of the time.

   To be single means to be independent, and with a fairy tale-like Manhattan glittering in the background, the show made us all feel okay with the idea of being single. These women were not spinsters — they were cosmopolitan sexpots. Refreshing, indeed.
    

2. Sex Can Be Healthy – Let’s face it: sex changed for us all when the AIDS virus started taking lives in the 1980s. Although we learned more about the disease and how it is contracted by the time we entered the 1990s, this association between sex and death still permeated the single community. With that came guilt for those who still enjoyed casual sex from time to time.

   Enter "Sex and the City" in 1998 and we all breathed a sigh of relief — people were still having sex! Safe sex, in all its full-frontal glory, was a huge part of the television series. Although this probably didn’t endear the show to religious fundamentalists, most people applauded its candor and a wiser, safer sexual revolution was born.
    

3. Test the Waters Before Marriage – Who can forget Charlotte’s doomed marriage to the seemingly perfect Trey? After meeting what she thought was the perfect man, the ever-romantic Charlotte decided to wait until marriage to consummate their love, only to discover later that he couldn’t be intimate with her.

   Of course, some people still believe that sex before marriage is wrong. Those same people probably don’t watch "Sex and the City" for love lessons. Most of us need to test the waters before marriage, as intimacy is an integral part of a healthy relationship. Even if you plan to save sex for marriage, it’s important that you ask questions about your partner’s sexual health.
    

4. You Can Score Outside of Your League – Never underestimate your ability to find love with someone who is seemingly "out of your league." Is someone you are interested in really good looking or in a higher socioeconomic class? This doesn’t mean you weren’t meant to be. Chances are, the idea that you aren’t good enough is just your skewed perception. Believe it or not, true love transcends superficiality.

   In a Season Three episode, Miranda begins dating a hot NYPD detective and subsequently ruins the relationship because she is so self-conscious about her own looks. Of course, he finds her very attractive, but her insecurity gets in the way of what could have been a great thing. Charlotte, on the other hand, learns that looks and WASPy status isn’t nearly as important as her love for second husband Harry.
    

5. Don’t Change Who You Are – This is a constant theme throughout the show, which only supports the girl power vibe for which "Sex and the City" is so well known. Never lose yourself in a relationship in order to conform to the other person’s life or ideals. Carrie found herself changing for a few men in the show. Although Aidan was seemingly the perfect guy, he wasn’t perfect for her.

   One of the more hilarious episodes showed Aidan unsuccessfully introducing the great outdoors to Carrie, a concrete-loving New York City girl. Towards the end of the series, Carrie again found herself lost in a relationship with a man: Russian artist Aleksandr Petrovsky. After pushing her best girlfriends away and moving to Paris with Aleksandr, she soon found she was unhappy because she was living his life instead of her own.
    

6. Your Friends are the Best Sounding Boards – Not only did "Sex and the City" teach us that being single was okay, it glorified the tight bonds between friends. The ladies on the show shared every detail of their romantic lives with each other. Not sure what to think of your current love interest? Your BFFs could impart some valued, third party opinions.

   Of course, not all of us listen to sound advice, which was the case many times on the show. Charlotte was warned that she was moving too fast with Trey, and how many times was Carrie reminded how difficult Mr. Big could be?
    

7. Don’t Drag Out a Doomed Relationship – If the signs are there, don’t ignore them. Carrie found a very nice guy in Aidan, but she knew he wasn’t right for her. Still, she persevered, even sharing her coveted Manhattan apartment with him. Never mind her refusal to wear her engagement ring on her finger — when Aidan started messing with her apartment, we all knew there was trouble.

   Of course, the most painful attempt to "make it work" on the show was poor Charlotte and her unwavering devotion to Trey. Yep, a grown man who bathes with his intrusive mother in the room is probably one to avoid. Still, Charlotte agonized as she tried to be the perfect wife in an imperfect relationship.
    

8. Learn to Accept the Other Person’s Disinterest – One of the most memorable phrases ever uttered throughout the series was "he’s just not that into you." In fact, this even spawned a hit book and an upcoming film. After a flirty Miranda asks a date to come upstairs to her apartment, she is bewildered when the guy blows her off. How could he possibly decline what was a thinly veiled invitation for sex?

   Carrie’s boyfriend Berger informs Miranda that, "he’s just not that into you." Sometimes, it is as simple as that: he or she just isn’t into you and you need to move on. Don’t overanalyze it — just simply find someone who is into you. Yes, it might hurt your ego a little bit, but Miranda didn’t let it bother her that much. In fact, the always-logical lawyer reveled in its simplicity.
    

9. Stop Waiting for Perfection – Are you looking for that fairy tale romance? Do you believe in that one true soul mate who will enter your life in cinematic bravado? Then wake up now and realize that perfection rarely exists. Relationships are messy and loud — even the good ones. You really do have to work at it.

   Charlotte was almost childlike in her expectations of a "perfect" relationship. This would result in a lot of disappointment. Likewise, Carrie and Mr. Big would experience a cavalcade of break ups before they finally realized that they loved each other despite the fact that their relationship was far from perfect.
    

10. Opposites Can Attract – This isn’t just about someone who is out of your league, but someone who is your complete opposite. Although you may be looking for love in someone similar to yourself, you just might your soul mate in a person who is totally different.

    Would the work-obsessed and overly responsible Miranda ever dream she would marry a childish bartender? Surprisingly, it actually worked once she finally accepted that opposites really do attract, and can work to balance each other.

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