Dating | Nerds Do It Better

December 4th, 2008

100 Little Known Ways to Boost Your Libido

Everyone knows that eating chocolate and wearing fancy lingerie can spice up your sex life, but there are a number of little known ways to make things more interesting that you may not have considered. Whether it's eating the right food, or just getting a handle on your stress level, there are many things you can do to get a better libido. Read on to learn about 100 of these solutions.

Lifestyle & Habits

Take a look at your everyday life to see if you're interfering with sex.

Relax: Stress can weaken your libido, so stay cool.
Stop worrying: When your mind is strained, you may have a hard time getting in the mood.
Stop smoking: Smoking can cause low sperm counts and decrease your virility, so quit or cut down on this habit.
Establish good hygiene: Something as simple as remembering to floss can help make you feel more attractive and be more attractive to your partner.
Schedule sex: Although the thought of penciling in intercourse is not particularly sexy, it can help guarantee that you'll be more sexually active.
Avoid steroids: Steriods can interfere with your hormones and decrease your sex drive.
Resolve cultural issues: If your cultural beliefs make you feel uncomfortable about sex, resolve them on your own or with the help of a therapist.
Improve your self esteem: If you're feeling inadequate or just down on yourself, improve your outlook on your own or with the help of a therapist.
Resolve religious issues: Overcome feelings of guilt and discomfort stemming from religious beliefs.
Curb your alcohol intake: Excessive drinking can be to blame for low sperm counts and poor circulation, so avoid drinking too much.
Pay your bills: Avoid nagging worry over your financial situation, and you'll feel more relaxed and receptive to sex.
Drink plenty of water: Don't overdo it, but drink water throughout the day to promote vaginal moisture and overall health.
Wear loose fitting underwear: Men should wear underwear that allows for some breathing room in order to promote good circulation to the area.
Give longer kisses: Kisses that last 12 seconds or longer can reignite your passion.
Have sex more often: Having sex on a more frequent basis can help get the ball rolling and keep you more sexual.
Avoid high temperature baths: Although relaxing, hot tubs and saunas can hinder circulation, particularly for men, so they aren't good for your sex drive.
Don't set your laptop on your lap: Especially for men, laptops can increase the temperature in your groin area, which is detrimental to your virility.
Avoid sitting for extended periods of time: Sitting for too long, especially for men, can decrease the flow of blood to your sexual organs.
Stay active: Inactivity can decrease your sex drive, so be sure to live an active lifestyle.
Eliminate anxiety: Anxiety can be a strain on your libido, so learn to let go better.

Relationship

How you feel toward your partner can have a lot to do with the quantity and quality of sex, so follow these tips to build a relationship that's more open to sex.

Communicate: Talk to your partner about sexual problems and feelings you may have to see how you can work them out together.
Avoid arguments: Choose your battles to have more positive feelings towards your partner.
Think positively about sex: Don't think of sex as a chore, but instead as a fun and loving experience that you can share.
Spend time together: Get away from the hectic pace of life and just have fun together to get your spark back.
Show affection: Outside of the bedroom, show affection to your partner, and you'll be more attracted to them sexually.
Do something new: Introduce a little novelty into your lives together, and you'll produce dopamine, a chemical that helps fuel sex drive.
Take a vacation: Sometimes the hectic pace of daily life can get in the way of sex, so step out of your usual routine to spice things up.
Take a deep breath: The scent of your partner's sweat can be a booster for your sex drive.
Go out on a date: Support your emotional connection by going on a date, and focus on building your relationship.
Avoid witholding sex: Don't make sex a bargaining chip, or you'll end up having less of it.
Share responsibilities: If you're not having sex because you or your partner is burned out or too tired, learn to more evenly balance your responsibilities between you.

Health

Your health plays a major part in the way your body craves and responds to sex, so make sure you're in tip top shape.

Sleep well: A good night's rest can help you feel more energetic and make you more interested in sex.
Lose weight: Maintaining a healthy body weight can improve your self image, as well as make your body more receptive to sex.
Get regular screenings for cancer and STDs: Disease can easily interfere with a healthy sex life, so be sure to get checked out regularly.
Massage: Massage, even when it's not a part of foreplay, can help increase your blood flow and make you feel energetic and virile.
Treat diabetes: Diabetes can interfere with regular sexual health and desire, so be sure to treat the disease the best way you can.
Get therapy: Speak to a therapist about your sexuality to uncover any emotional problems you may have.
Avoid saturated fat: Saturated fat can clog your arteries and prevent good blood flow to your sexual organs.
Support your circulatory system: Reduce your blood pressure and cholesterol to make your circulatory system more healthy and efficient.
Deal with physical ailments: Problems including constant headaches, endometriosis, diabetes, and arthritis can interfere with your sexual enjoyment, so get them diagnosed and treated.
Tighten your PC muscles: For women, exercising the PC muscles can lead to more fulfilling sex, which can increase your desire.
Screen for anemia: Get checked out for anemia, which can be a cause of low sex drive.
Talk to your doctor about depression: Depression can cause your sex drive to suffer, so find out if you're affected by it.
Get treatment for sexual dysfunction: If you're having physical troubles with sex, talk to your doctor about getting it taken care of.
Gain weight: If you're underweight, your sexual functions may be diminished. This is especially true for women, who may cease ovulation if body fat levels are too low.
Evaluate your prescription drugs: Talk to your doctor to find out if your drugs are interfering with your libido.
Ask about hormone balances: Find out if you have a hormonal imbalance, and find out what you can do about it.

Activities

Engage in these activities to boost your sex drive.

Have sex anyway: Even if you're not in the mood, have sex, and chances are you'll get into it anyway.
Do yoga: Certain yoga poses will help improve the blow flow to your sexual organs, as well as improve your overall health.
Get aerobic exercise: Improve the blood flow to your sex organs by getting things pumping with aerobics.
Read a romance novel: Turn on the biggest erogenous zone you have by reading a steamy bodice ripper.
Stretch: Open up your body and flexibility with regular stretching.
Do something dangerous: Dangerous activities will trigger dopamine and stimulate your sex drive.
Role play: Adopt roles to play throughout the day or just out on a date to make things more interesting and set up a promise of things to come.
Avoid exercising too much: Extreme exercise can lower your testosterone levels, which help your libido, so keep exercise to a moderate level.
Compete: Being competitive, like in sports, can raise your levels of libido-boosting hormone testosterone.

In the Bedroom

These are a few things you can do with your partner to jump start your libido.

Use sex toys: Although intimidating for some, sex toys can make sex more interesting and enticing.
Watch porn: It does not work for everyone, but porn can help get you in the mood, or help you discover new things.
Be more adventurous: Keep the interest alive by being willing to try new things.
Get out of the bedroom: Explore new places to have sex, like the kitchen or your neighborhood park to spice things up.
Talk dirty: Whether you're in the bedroom or out on a date, don't be shy about talking dirty.
Fight boredom: If you're bored with sex, think of new ways you and your partner can connect.
Leave the lights on: Toss out feelings of shame and embarrassment, and have more exciting sex with the lights on.
Explore by touching new regions: Get away from traditional erogenous zones, and touch your partner some place new.

Food

These foods can make you healthier, and foster a better sex life.

Eat a good diet: Overall, eating a nutritious diet full of fruits and vegetables will help you feel better and more in the mood for sexual activity.
Drink alcohol: Although drinking too much can have an adverse effect, alcohol, particularly high quality beer and distilled spirits, can improve your overall and sexual health.
Almonds: Almonds are full of fatty acids that will help with circulation.
Goji berries: Goji berries will help increase testosterone levels in both men and women, as well as improve sexual stamina.
Eat healthy fats: Your body needs fat to create hormones, so don't cut fat out of your diet.
Black licorice: Black licorice can increase genital bloodflow by 40 percent.
Celery: In celery, you'll find androsterone, which is a hormone that's been known to turn women on.
Bananas: This phallic fruit can offer a shot in the arm to the male libido.
Avocado: These delicious gems are full of fatty acids that will support your circulatory health.
Avoid extreme dieting: Dieting too much or too harshly can leave your body devoid of the nutrients it needs for sexual health.
Asparagus: This vegetable is a good source for sexual health supporting vitamin E.
Nutmeg: Indian medicine uses nutmeg for enhancing desire, and its extract has been found to have the same effect as Viagra.
Chili peppers: Chili peppers contain capasaicin, which supports good circulation.
Eat protein: Protein offers plenty of energy that will make you more receptive to sex.
Avoid caffeine: Caffeine can reduce your libido, so do your best to avoid coffee tea, and soda with caffeine.
Basil: This herb increases your circulation and supports a sense of well being.
Soy: Eating lots of soy can increase your arousal, as the food's phytoestrogens mimic estrogen.
Garlic: Although not great for sexy breath, garlic offers allicin, which can improve the blood flow to your sexual organs.
Avoid heavy carbohydrates: Pasta dishes will put you to sleep, rather than get you in the mood.
Brazil nuts: Brazil nuts are full of the amino acid arginine, which can boost levels of blood to the genitals.
Figs: Figs are believed to increase stamina, and are high in amino acids.
The smell of comfort food: Researchers say that men can be turned on by foods they enjoy, such as doughnuts, pizza, and strawberries.
Pumpkin seeds: In pumpkin seeds, you'll find zinc, which helps men produce testosterone, and will help support a woman's sex drive.

Supplements

Talk to your doctor about taking one or more of these supplements to help with your libido.

Take a multivitamin: Multivitamins can help promote your overall health and sexual wellness, as well as provide specific nutrients that you need for a strong sex drive.
Choline: Choline can help enhance levels of acetylcholine, which sends sexual impulses from your brain to sex organs.
Vitamin B: Vitamin B deficiencies can be linked to infertility, so be sure to get plenty of it.
Iron: Having an iron deficiency can leave you fatigued and out of energy for sex.
Testosterone: Testosterone is the hormone that is behind your sex drive, so higher levels of it can help raise your libido.
Manganese: Manganese ensures a healthy metabolism of the hormone estrogen.
Vitamin E vaginal suppositories: If vaginal dryness is the cause of your low sex drive, it can be treated with these suppositories.
Muirapuama and catuaba: In Brazil, these two herbs together are believed to increase your libido and support sexual potency.
Vitamin A: Vitamin A helps support imporant tissues for your reproductive health.
Zinc: Be sure that you're getting enough zinc, as a lack of this mineral can cause impotence and infertility.
Vitamin C: Be sure to drink your orange juice, as vitamin C can help boost fertility.
Vitamin B5: Also known as panothenic acid, B5 is important for the creation of sex hormones.
Selenium: This mineral helps ensure healthy production of sperm.

July 17th, 2008

Dating Over 50: 100 Tips and Resources for Finding Love In Your Later Years

Dating is definitely not the same as it used to be. From online dating’s popularity to the new vision of life over 50, dating has moved from the traditional courtship to a more active and personalized endeavor, which is sometimes odd for those who are older or getting back into dating after a divorce or death. We recommend using the following resources and tips for knowledge and confidence to get back into the dating game.

Dating Sites for Seniors

Online dating sites are very popular and don’t hold the stigma they once did. From traditional matchmaking services to more modern online dating sites, these resources are sure to help you make a connection. All of these below are directed specifically at people at least 40 or 50 years old.

SeniorFriendFinder. Exclusively for singles over 40, this site offers free member profiles and almost 500,000 members. You can use email, instant messaging, and video messaging to contact members with a paid subscription.
Your Senior Dating Site. This dating site promises it’s about the people, so you won’t get advertisements, but you will get personal service and ease of use. Signing up is free, but you will need a membership to contact a potential date.
SeniorMatch.com. This site is only for singles over 50 and imposes a minimum age as well. This is one of the largest senior dating sites.
Primesingles.net. This site for those 40 and over has a fast sign-up and is easy to navigate.
50YearsPlus.com. "A singles site for seniors with integrity" is how they describe themselves at this site. Enjoy a seven-day free trial to see if you like this one before buying a membership.
Executive Senior Dating. This matchmaking service conducts a 30-90 minute phone call with you and a matchmaking counselor to start their matching process.
Real Mature Singles. For those 40 and over, this matching service verifies that every applicant is legitimate before providing services.
Senior Singles Only. This matching service meets and screens all applicants in person. The applicants must be at least 40 and looking for a long-term relationship.
Dating For Seniors. For dating, friends, or a life partner, this online dating site offers opportunities for older singles. Your free basic membership must be upgraded to a paid subscription in order to have full access to all services.
Senior Passions. This free dating and social networking site offers the opportunity for "the next big love of your life, companionship, or just to make new friends."

General Dating Sites

These dating sites are not specifically for older singles, but they are very popular and usually have large member databases. You can specify what age range you are interested in meeting, so feel free to give these a try too.

Yahoo! Personals. Completely free, this online dating service offers a wide range of categories from which you can search. Due to the lack of cost and the popularity of Yahoo!, you are sure to find lots of potential here.
Match.com. One of the top online dating services, Match.com provides a huge member database. You can browse for free, but you will need a membership to contact any potential matches.
Chemistry.com. A part of Match.com, and working like eHarmony, this site relies on matching techniques to connect people. For those who have been rejected by eHarmony, Chemistry.com offers a great chance to try this method of online dating.
eHarmony. This dating service offers a unique approach to online dating. Instead of browsing for dates or waiting for someone to come to you, they rely on a complex personality matching formula and provide you with potential matches.
Perfectmatch.com. Using a compatibility system, this dating site emails you when a good match becomes available. Perfectmatch.com has been receiving lots of rave reviews recently.
SinglesNet. This free service offers most of the same services available in the for-pay dating services. Gaining in popularity, the database is over 5 million large.
Lavalife. Choose to look for dates, relationships, or intimate encounters on this site. You can create three different profiles for each of the three different categories offered or select only one or two of them. This service is totally free and has a huge member base.
Great Expectations. Combining online dating services and in-person matchmaking, this service meets every member in person and creates a match for potential dates. They also offer invitations to Great Expectations events where you can meet members face-to-face. This service is available in about 50 cities in the U.S.
Matchmaker. Answer questions about major issues to create your matchability with this site. The service is free, but you will need to pay if you want to contact a member.
Plentyoffish.com. This totally free site matches singles from around the world. Touting itself as a dating site for everyone, you can choose a specific type of dating environment such as older couples or Christian Dating.

Tips for Online Dating

Navigating the world of online dating may seem overwhelming at first. Follow these simple tips to help you create a great profile, know how to communicate well, and keep yourself safe.

Name. Choose a fun and creative name for your profile. Make sure it reflects your personality, too.
Profile. Keep your profile short, but succinct. Add humor and make it truly an extension of yourself. Proofread it and have a friend do so too so that there are no spelling or grammar mistakes.
Photo. Make sure your photo is of a good quality, recent, and reflects who you are. For example, if you love dogs, include your pooch in the photo too.
Respond to everyone who writes you. It doesn’t have to be much, but at least let the person know if you are interested or not.
Keep it short. When you first start correspondence with someone, you don’t have to tell your whole life story at once. Let it unfold slowly.
Make contact. Don’t just focus on one person. Be sure to contact several people who look interesting.
Be honest. Not only should you be honest about who you are and what you look like, you should also be honest if you are no longer interested in corresponding with them.
Don’t get too personal. Getting too personal or talking about sex can be very off-putting. Let the relationship develop in its own time.
Be safe. Don’t disclose any personal information such as a personal email address, IM account, or phone number until you’re sure you can trust the person you’re giving them to. Most dating sites provide email and IM accounts that protect your privacy, so take advantage of these.
In person. If you decide to move beyond the dating site, first talk by phone. After a few phone conversations, if you decide to meet in person, keep it in a public place and consider having a friend at a nearby table to secretly monitor the situation.

Opportunities for Meeting People Off Line

Don’t just depend on online resources for dating. There are lots of ways to find dates through more traditional routes. If you live in a senior community, there are often planned activities to meet new friends and partners. If not, get out there and enjoy learning or doing something new and you just might find a new partner, too.

Clubs. Join a club. With everything out there from the Elk’s club to a nature conservancy group, you are sure to find a group of folks with similar interests as you.
Volunteer. Volunteering can be a great way to meet people and stay social. You will be making a difference, too.
Book group. Combine reading with the social aspect of discussing your book to share an interest and possibly meet a dating partner.
Cooking class. Take a cooking class will not only get you out and meeting new people, you will be learning how to eat more healthily, too.
Cards. Playing cards is a fun and social experience. Find a group that meets regularly and join in.
Exercise group. Join an exercise group. Many groups are available that offer group opportunities such as aquatics, walking, or yoga.
Classes. Take an adult continuing education class and learn something new. Many universities and community colleges offer courses ranging from web design to throwing pottery.
Travel. There are many chances for group travel experiences that offer the opportunity for you to meet new people. The bonus to finding someone while traveling is that you know you both have the desire to explore and learn.
Dance. Take a dance class if you’re new to dancing, or sign up for a group that dances regularly if you already love to dance.
Get a dog. Not only will having a dog keep you company, but taking your dog out for walks, to local parks, or just around town with you opens up tons of opportunities for you to connect with other dog owners or just friendly animal lovers.

Articles

All of these articles touch on dating in your later years. From using senior dating sites to first date anxiety to flirting, these resources will help you feel more confident in your dating abilities.

How to Use Senior Dating Sites. This article offers good advice and tips for seniors on using online dating sites. This is especially helpful if you have limited experience with online groups.
Making the Most of the Senior Dating Sites. Another article on senior dating sites, this one suggests how to select an online service and some things to look for once you begin making connections with other singles.
Senior Dating Tips. This article offers some great tips for getting back out there on the dating scene.
Suddenly Single Seniors and Dating. Check out this article for great suggestions on dating, and specifically, finding someone through personal ads.
Seeking Love. This article offers real life stories and suggestions for dating when you are over 45. Here’s the proof that you don’t have to feel like life has passed you by just because you aren’t 20 anymore.
How to Overcome First Date Anxiety. Directed specifically at those getting back into the dating game after age 50, this article offers some great ideas to ensure you are feeling comfortable.
Seniors Dating. From ideas on where to look for a partner to some potential pitfalls to benefits of dating later in life, this article covers it all.
Mature Dating–Late Joiner. For advice on how to blend families in the later years, this short article offers helpful tips on how to facilitate the blending process.
Prime Time Women: Fifty is Not What It Used To Be. Find out why dating in your fifties is so great for women. And men, you can get tips on how to succeed with these dynamos.
How to Flirt Online. If you are giving online dating a try, this flirting primer will help you walk that fine line between showing interest and not showing too much.

Blogs

Blogs are a great way to learn from the experience of regular people. All of these blogs are either written specifically for dating over 50 or written by people sharing their experiences of dating over 50.

ChaiLife Atlanta. While this blog is specifically for Jewish daters over 45 in the Atlanta area, it also offers plenty of advice and support for those dating later in life, despite their location or religious affiliation.
You don’t have to be a "10" to find love after 50. Read an inspirational story about fate and finding your partner. This blog offers a sweet story of how an older couple found each other on JDate and the extraordinary circumstances of their lives.
Falling in Love at 49. Read about the coming together of this woman and her husband as they discover love. Browse her blog for other posts with advice on dating later in life.
Mature Dating: From Despair and Disappointment to Delight, Adventure, Ease, and Joy. This blog isn’t being updated anymore, but it contains lots of posts offering advice on dating after 50.
Misery Date. This entertaining blog post describes one woman’s approach to dating in her later years–and it’s all about embracing who you are and what you want.
Are You a Love Snob? Read about how some people approach love and commitment. This blog post will get you thinking about what is important in a relationship and what it means to you.
Over 50 and Single? Take a few minutes for yourself. Get tips on dating after 50 from this post. Use the search tool on this blog for other posts on dating from this 50+ writer.
Sex and Ageism in the Movies. This woman ponders the way Hollywood presents sex and romance for those in their 40s and 50s.
Safe Sex: Affection with Protection. As this writer states, "After more than a year of being single, what I have learned is this: Condoms are a fact of life." Find out which condoms rate high with this woman.
The Dating Game. This Baby Boomer writes about online dating after 50 and why it’s becoming so popular in this age group.

Dating after Divorce or Death of a Spouse

The loss of a spouse through either divorce or death can be devastating. Once you have given yourself time to grieve your loss, don’t stay mired in the past. Follow these suggestions to get yourself in a good place to start dating again.

Move beyond the past. You will not be able to move forward until you resolve your feelings about the break-up of your marriage or the death of your partner. Once you work through these feelings, you’ll find yourself in a much better place to go on with your life.
Rekindle old interests. Did you once have a passion for photography? Pick up that camera again. You may find that you can rediscover yourself through those interests you pushed aside years ago.
Find new interests. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to paint or go kayaking. Taking up new interests now will help you rediscover qualities about yourself you may have forgotten. It will also get you out and meeting new people.
Learn to enjoy your own company. After living with someone for a while, it can be difficult to enjoy doing things alone. Find ways to have fun on your own.
Take care of yourself. If you’ve gained a few extra pounds, find a way to get some exercise. Eat healthfully and take time to pamper yourself. If you feel good about the way you look and feel, others will too.
Lose the negative self-image. If you feel poorly about yourself, you are likely to attract people who will treat you badly. Make a list of your good qualities and remind yourself often of them. Work on building yourself up.
Reconnect with old friends. Track down old friends with whom you’ve lost touch over the years. Whether you find you’ve still got lots in common or you’ve both moved on, it will likely enrich your life anyway.
Develop new friendships. New friendships and support systems can help ease your transition after divorce or the death of a spouse. Find ways to connect with new friends of either gender.
Volunteer. No matter if you have a lot of free time or almost none, there is some place you can volunteer your time. Devoting some time working for others is a great way to discover new things about yourself. You can also spend time in looking after your pets. A dog can be very good companion, especially in troubled times.
Find a new job. Whether you are retired, you spent your life rearing children, or you’ve been working in a job you hate, get out there and find something fun you enjoy doing. You will meet new people and add a new dimension to your life.

Going on a Date

Now you’ve connected with someone and it’s time for your date. You will want to follow these tips to ensure everything goes smoothly and you and your partner have a great time together.

Show interest. You have accepted or asked someone on a date, so spend that time finding out about them. Try not to compare them to any ex partners, but find out what makes them unique and fun to know.
Dress appropriately. Dress in nice, clean clothes that reflect who you are. Don’t try to dress too young or too casually as you want to make an honest impression on your date.
Don’t go too fast. Loneliness or the desire to fill a gap left empty by an ex may drive you to want to find someone right away. Instead, slow down and appreciate the chance you have to enjoy meeting others.
Relax. Leave your insecurities about being on the dating scene at home. Have fun, enjoy your date, and you will find your date will appreciate you for just being yourself.
Don’t worry about imperfections. Your laugh lines show how much you’ve enjoyed life just as imperfections such as scars reflect the interesting life you’ve led. Don’t spend time worrying about these small character traits–enjoy your date instead.
Be accepting. Know that your date has also lived a full life that may not be exactly what you expect. Be accepting of the fact that your date may have commitments to children, debt from divorce, or any other number of factors that you might not have anticipated.
But don’t settle. Just because you are feeling lonely, don’t settle for less than what you deserve. A woman who always breaks your dates to be with her friends or a man who treats you with no respect are just not worth your time.
Be aware of old patterns. If you have a history of dating or marrying a certain type of destructive person, learn how to break the cycle. Especially if your past choices have lead you to dangerous situations such as drug abuse or violence, seek help to learn how to get away from your old patterns.
Whether to have sex. Whether or not to have sex with your date or how quickly to engage in sex may have a very different feel now than when you were twenty. Listen to yourself and do what you feel is right.
Practice dating. Let yourself go out with people who might not be the perfect match. This allows you to get back into the swing of things with a lot less pressure to make the date go perfectly.

Date Ideas

Whether it’s your first date together or your fifth, these ideas will spark conversation and help you learn about each other in an environment of fun, art, charity, or knowledge.

Picnic. Pack up a simple, romantic lunch or dinner and head out to a park. Sharing a meal together in nature is not only romantic, but it allows you the opportunity to get to know each other against a beautiful backdrop.
Get active. If you both play golf or tennis, take your first date on the go. After your game, you can stop off for a refreshing drink and snack to wrap up the date.
Museum. Visit a museum together. Wandering through the art or even deciding which type of museum to visit will tell you much about the other and is a fun way to spend the day.
Take a cooking class. With so many cooking classes available, you can decide on a type of class and pass a few hours learning how to prepare a special meal. Maybe your next date can be using your newfound skills to cook for each other.
Book reading. Attend a reading at a book store. You might discover you share a passion for the same books, author, or just reading in general.
Vino. Whether you have a nearby winery you can tour together or you can experience a wine tasting at a local store, share the fun of exploring wine together while you learn about each other.
Charity event. Attend a charity event together. The group setting may ease any first-date jitters and you will be helping a good cause.
On the water. Go out to a local river or lake and rent a paddle boat, kayak, or canoe. Whether you have experience or not doesn’t matter, it’s about having fun together.
See a play. Theater doesn’t have to be a big production or expensive. Many community and university theaters offer interesting, well-done, and affordable productions that you and your date can enjoy together.
Outdoor market. Head to an outdoor market such as a farmer’s market or flea market. Walking through and discovering what is available will allow the two of you to find out more about each other.

Sexuality

Your sexuality doesn’t go away after you turn 50. The following information and tips will help you stay safe, have fun, and enjoy the next level of your dating experience once you’ve found that special someone.

Aging. According to an AARP study, 49% of older couples engage in sexual intercourse once a week or more. That number drops to 34% in those over 70, but it looks like the myth of older couples not enjoying sex is just not true.
Antidepressants. Many people on antidepressants relate how their sex drive is almost eliminated. Most of the medications responsible for the loss of libido are SSRIs. Check with your doctor about take Wellbutrin, which has been shown to actually increase sex drive in one study.
Don’t stop. Not having sex can have negative effects for when you want to begin again. For women, the elasticity of the vaginal walls breaks down and for men, the blood flow is inhibited by lack of use. The good news is that if you don’t have a partner, masturbation will help keep everything working in proper order.
Sexual peak. While men reportedly have their sexual peak in their teens or 20s and women in their 30s or 40s, there is also information suggesting that men and women also have a psychological sexual peak that is different from the physical peak more commonly known. For both men and women, the psychological peak occurs in their 50s.
Having sex. Once you begin having sex with a new partner, always take precautions against STDs. Talk openly with your partner about your sexual health and use condoms. Just because pregnancy might not be an issue doesn’t mean you shouldn’t worry about STDs.
Condom care. Keeping a condom in your wallet is not a good idea. The friction and temperature changes can create microscopic tears in the condom that allow sperm to get through.
Polyurethane condoms. Condoms made of lambskin are effective against pregnancy, but they do not protect you from STDs. If you have a latex allergy, polyurethane condoms are a good alternative. Recent studies show that they are as effective against STDs as latex condoms.
Prostate health. A study published in the Journal of American Medical Association indicates that frequent ejaculation helps improve prostate health. That’s good news for men.
Dryness. Vaginal dryness can negatively effect the sexual experience for women and the reduction in hormones that occurs with age can produce more dryness. Try using a lubricant specifically designed to replicate the natural secretions such as K-Y Silk-E or Astroglide.
Kegel. These exercises have long been known to help women reduce incontinence after menopause, but they also help men to improve performance and enhance orgasm. Start doing Kegel exercises today.

June 17th, 2008

10 Essential Dating Lessons from Sex and the City

There is no denying the impact that "Sex and the City" has made on the contemporary dating scene. Just ask any single, cosmopolitan woman and she will undoubtedly be familiar with the many adventures of Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda. We could all learn from the show, as it bravely unmasks every dirty detail of finding love in the modern world. Below are the 10 most essential dating lessons from "Sex and the City."

It’s Okay to Be Single – This was perhaps the most important lesson that "Sex and the City" bestowed upon the world, particularly where women were concerned. Although singledom didn’t always bring happiness to the four main characters, the ladies sure made it look like fun 90 percent of the time.
To be single means to be independent, and with a fairy tale-like Manhattan glittering in the background, the show made us all feel okay with the idea of being single. These women were not spinsters — they were cosmopolitan sexpots. Refreshing, indeed.
Sex Can Be Healthy – Let’s face it: sex changed for us all when the AIDS virus started taking lives in the 1980s. Although we learned more about the disease and how it is contracted by the time we entered the 1990s, this association between sex and death still permeated the single community. With that came guilt for those who still enjoyed casual sex from time to time.
Enter "Sex and the City" in 1998 and we all breathed a sigh of relief — people were still having sex! Safe sex, in all its full-frontal glory, was a huge part of the television series. Although this probably didn’t endear the show to religious fundamentalists, most people applauded its candor and a wiser, safer sexual revolution was born.
Test the Waters Before Marriage – Who can forget Charlotte’s doomed marriage to the seemingly perfect Trey? After meeting what she thought was the perfect man, the ever-romantic Charlotte decided to wait until marriage to consummate their love, only to discover later that he couldn’t be intimate with her.
Of course, some people still believe that sex before marriage is wrong. Those same people probably don’t watch "Sex and the City" for love lessons. Most of us need to test the waters before marriage, as intimacy is an integral part of a healthy relationship. Even if you plan to save sex for marriage, it’s important that you ask questions about your partner’s sexual health.
You Can Score Outside of Your League – Never underestimate your ability to find love with someone who is seemingly "out of your league." Is someone you are interested in really good looking or in a higher socioeconomic class? This doesn’t mean you weren’t meant to be. Chances are, the idea that you aren’t good enough is just your skewed perception. Believe it or not, true love transcends superficiality.
In a Season Three episode, Miranda begins dating a hot NYPD detective and subsequently ruins the relationship because she is so self-conscious about her own looks. Of course, he finds her very attractive, but her insecurity gets in the way of what could have been a great thing. Charlotte, on the other hand, learns that looks and WASPy status isn’t nearly as important as her love for second husband Harry.
Don’t Change Who You Are – This is a constant theme throughout the show, which only supports the girl power vibe for which "Sex and the City" is so well known. Never lose yourself in a relationship in order to conform to the other person’s life or ideals. Carrie found herself changing for a few men in the show. Although Aidan was seemingly the perfect guy, he wasn’t perfect for her.
One of the more hilarious episodes showed Aidan unsuccessfully introducing the great outdoors to Carrie, a concrete-loving New York City girl. Towards the end of the series, Carrie again found herself lost in a relationship with a man: Russian artist Aleksandr Petrovsky. After pushing her best girlfriends away and moving to Paris with Aleksandr, she soon found she was unhappy because she was living his life instead of her own.
Your Friends are the Best Sounding Boards – Not only did "Sex and the City" teach us that being single was okay, it glorified the tight bonds between friends. The ladies on the show shared every detail of their romantic lives with each other. Not sure what to think of your current love interest? Your BFFs could impart some valued, third party opinions.
Of course, not all of us listen to sound advice, which was the case many times on the show. Charlotte was warned that she was moving too fast with Trey, and how many times was Carrie reminded how difficult Mr. Big could be?
Don’t Drag Out a Doomed Relationship – If the signs are there, don’t ignore them. Carrie found a very nice guy in Aidan, but she knew he wasn’t right for her. Still, she persevered, even sharing her coveted Manhattan apartment with him. Never mind her refusal to wear her engagement ring on her finger — when Aidan started messing with her apartment, we all knew there was trouble.
Of course, the most painful attempt to "make it work" on the show was poor Charlotte and her unwavering devotion to Trey. Yep, a grown man who bathes with his intrusive mother in the room is probably one to avoid. Still, Charlotte agonized as she tried to be the perfect wife in an imperfect relationship.
Learn to Accept the Other Person’s Disinterest – One of the most memorable phrases ever uttered throughout the series was "he’s just not that into you." In fact, this even spawned a hit book and an upcoming film. After a flirty Miranda asks a date to come upstairs to her apartment, she is bewildered when the guy blows her off. How could he possibly decline what was a thinly veiled invitation for sex?
Carrie’s boyfriend Berger informs Miranda that, "he’s just not that into you." Sometimes, it is as simple as that: he or she just isn’t into you and you need to move on. Don’t overanalyze it — just simply find someone who is into you. Yes, it might hurt your ego a little bit, but Miranda didn’t let it bother her that much. In fact, the always-logical lawyer reveled in its simplicity.
Stop Waiting for Perfection – Are you looking for that fairy tale romance? Do you believe in that one true soul mate who will enter your life in cinematic bravado? Then wake up now and realize that perfection rarely exists. Relationships are messy and loud — even the good ones. You really do have to work at it.
Charlotte was almost childlike in her expectations of a "perfect" relationship. This would result in a lot of disappointment. Likewise, Carrie and Mr. Big would experience a cavalcade of break ups before they finally realized that they loved each other despite the fact that their relationship was far from perfect.
Opposites Can Attract – This isn’t just about someone who is out of your league, but someone who is your complete opposite. Although you may be looking for love in someone similar to yourself, you just might your soul mate in a person who is totally different.
Would the work-obsessed and overly responsible Miranda ever dream she would marry a childish bartender? Surprisingly, it actually worked once she finally accepted that opposites really do attract, and can work to balance each other.

June 12th, 2008

Dating After Divorce: 50 Tips to Get Back into the Groove

By Tara Miller

Divorce can leave you reeling, but when you start to pick up the pieces of your life and decide to move back into dating, it can feel a bit strange. If you were married for a long time, you may even feel too intimidated to try dating again. Have no worries, you can jump back into dating and actually enjoy finding out about yourself and meeting other people in the process. The following list offers ideas on how to get prepared for dating, how to go about reconnecting and finding dates, and what to do when you actually start dating.

Re-establish Your Identity

Being a part of a couple for a while will certainly take some of your individuality away. Take advantage of this time after your divorce to find that individuality again. Learn new hobbies, find old friends, and treat yourself with respect. This list tells you how to do that and more.

Let go of the past. You will not be able to move forward until you resolve your feelings about the break-up of your marriage and the divorce. Once you work through these feelings, you’ll find yourself in a much better place to go on with your life.
Rekindle old interests. Did you have a passion for photography before you got married? Pick up that camera again. You may find that you can rediscover yourself through those interests you pushed aside during the marriage.
Find new interests. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to paint or go kayaking. Taking up new interests now will help you rediscover qualities about yourself you may have forgotten. It will also get you out and meeting new people.
Learn to enjoy your own company. After living with someone for a while, it can be difficult to enjoy doing things alone. Find ways to have fun on your own.
Take care of yourself. If you’ve gained a few extra pounds, find a way to get some exercise. Eat healthily and take time to pamper yourself. If you feel good about the way you look and feel, others will too.
Lose the negative self-image. If you feel poorly about yourself, you are likely to attract people who will treat you badly. Make a list of your good qualities and remind yourself often of them. Work on building yourself up.
Develop new friendships. You don’t have to ignore your old friends, but often it is helpful to have a new network of friends who didn’t know you and your ex as a couple. New friendships and support systems can help ease your transition after divorce.
Reconnect with old friends. Track down old friends with whom you’ve lost touch over the years. Whether you find you’ve still got lots in common or you’ve both moved on, it will likely enrich your life anyway.
Volunteer. No matter if you have a lot of free time or almost none, there is some place you can volunteer your time. Devoting some time working for others is a great way to discover new things about yourself.
Start a new career. If you’ve been working in a job you hate or if you were staying at home with the children, after a divorce is a good time to start down a new path. Start taking steps to get you going toward that career you’ve always wanted.

Social Networking

One of the most popular ways to stay in touch with friends is through social networking sites. With many sites, not only can you keep up with friends you see every day, but you can also follow those who live further away. Some social networking sites also serve as dating sites, too. If you aren’t already familiar with social networking, after a divorce is a great time to discover it–you might be surprised to find so many of your friends already there. Check out some of these sites below.

Facebook. Find your friends on Facebook, then share photos, play games like Scrabulous, and keep up with what’s happening in their lives. Facebook allows you to adjust privacy controls so that you can choose who sees your profile information.
MySpace. Like Facebook, MySpace allows you to connect with friends and stay current with their lives. MySpace offers music on the profiles and you can personalize your page to your liking.
Twitter. If you just want to keep your friends updated and know what they are up to, Twitter allows you to type in a short update that goes out to your friends. If you like getting messages on your phone, have the updates go directly there.
Pownce. Share messages, files, links, and events with your friends on Pownce. Its aesthetically pleasing design earned itself a place in 10 Most Beautiful Social Networks.
Meetup.com. Choose an interest such as knitting, politics, or speaking French and find a group in your area. Meetups usually happen on a specified day of each month.
Classmates.com. Use this site to find old friends from high school, college, the military, and workplaces. You can also connect with people through specific interest groups. This service is free, but to have full access, you will have to buy a subscription.
Reunion.com. Reunion provides the opportunity to reconnect with old friends, family, and lost loves. With a free membership, you can create a profile and search for friends. With a paid subscription, you get other benefits such as finding out who was searching for you and sending messages to other members.
Flickr. Upload your photos and share them with friends and family on this site. Search for people you know or join a special interest group such as people who appreciate black and white photography.
Flixster. This is the social networking site for movie lovers. You can find your friends and share your favorite movies with them. Also, keep updated on the news from the movie world and meet other movie fans.
Last.fm. For music fans, check out Last.fm. Upload music and videos, discover new music, and share your favorites with your friends. You can also find new friends with similar taste in music.
Shelfari. Book lovers will love this site. Create a virtual book shelf of what you’ve read, are currently reading, or want to read and share with your friends. Connect with new friends in groups and share your book shelf on your blog or other social networking sites.

Online Dating

If you were married for more than a handful of years, dating is much different than it was when you were doing it before. Online dating is the most popular way to get out there and find a partner. The following list offers some of the most popular online dating services.

Yahoo! Personals. Completely free, this online dating service offers a wide range of categories from which you can search. Due to not having a cost associated with it and the popularity of Yahoo!, you are sure to find lots of potential here.
Match.com. One of the top online dating services, Match.com provides a huge member database. You can browse for free, but you will need a membership to contact any potential matches.
Friendfinder. This site is ideal for those who are starting to date again and just want to get their feet wet. Friendfinder is great for anyone hoping to find fun, friend, and maybe even love. There’s no pressure to hit it off romantically, so you can just enjoy the new people you meet.
eHarmony. This dating service offers a unique approach to online dating. Instead of browsing for dates or waiting for someone to come to you, they rely on a complex personality matching formula and provide you with potential matches.
Perfectmatch.com. Using a compatibility system, this dating site emails you when a good match for you becomes available. Perfectmatch.com has been receiving lots of rave reviews recently.
SinglesNet. This free service offers most of the same services available in the for-pay dating services. Gaining in popularity, the database is over 5 million strong.
Lavalife. Choose to look for dates, relationships, or intimate encounters on this site. You can create three different profiles for each of the three different categories offered or select only one or two of them. This service is totally free and has a huge member base.
Great Expectations. Combining online dating services and in-person matchmaking, this service meets every member in person and creates a match for potential dates. They also offer invitations to Great Expectations events where you can meet members face-to-face. This service is available in about 50 cities in the U.S.
Matchmaker. Answer questions about major issues to create your matchability with this site. The service is free, but you will need to pay if you want to contact a member.
American Singles. This site matches singles of any age and background. Touting itself as a dating site for everyone, you can choose a specific type of dating environment such as older or divorced couples.
SeniorFriendFinder. This site advertises to 50 somethings. It has over 2 million singles in their system, and anyone can join for free.

Getting out There

You’ve prepared yourself, made connections, and have figured out how to find a date. Now it’s time to actually go out. Follow these suggestions to make sure your first dating experiences go well and you enjoy yourself.

Don’t talk about the divorce. Especially if you just finalized the divorce or it was particularly messy, the temptation to talk about the details will be strong. Resist the temptation and focus on the person across the table from you instead.
Keep child-talk to a minimum. If you have children, don’t spend the whole date talking about them. Keep to a maximum of about five minutes, then move on to something else.
Show interest. You have accepted or asked someone on a date, so spend that time finding out about them. Try not to compare them to your ex, but find out what makes them unique and fun to know.
Don’t go too fast. The unexpected loneliness of divorce or the desire to fill a gap left empty by your ex may drive you to want to remarry right away. Instead, slow down and enjoy the chance you have to enjoy meeting others or reconnecting with your interests.
Relax. Leave your insecurities about being out of the dating scene at home. Have fun, enjoy your date, and you will find that your date will appreciate you for just being yourself.
Be accepting. Know that your date has also lived a full life that may not be exactly what you expect. Be accepting of the fact that your date may have commitments to children, debt from divorce, or any other number of factors that you might not have anticipated.
But don’t settle. Just because you are feeling lonely, don’t settle for less than what you deserve. A woman who always breaks your dates to be with her friends or a man who treats you with no respect are just not worth your time.
Be aware of old patterns. If you have a history of dating (or marrying) a certain type of person, learn how to break the cycle. Especially if your past choices have lead you to dangerous situations such as drug abuse or violence, seek help to learn how to get away from your old patterns.
Whether to have sex. Whether or not to have sex with your date or how quickly to engage in sex may have a very different feel after being married. You may want to jump right in there again or need to take things slowly. Listen to yourself and do what you need.
Having sex. Once you do begin having sex again, always take precautions against STDs. Talk openly with your partner about your sexual health and use condoms.
Practice dating. Let yourself go out with people who might not be the perfect match. This allows you to get back into the swing of things with a lot less pressure to make the date go perfectly.
First relationship. Many experts believe that the first real relationship after your divorce is an important one for the healing process. Statistics indicate that this first relationship is very unlikely to last, but it provides you a chance to make the transition into your new life.

Dating with Kids

If you have children from your marriage, you have an added challenge to dating. Don’t be discouraged, though. You can and should get out there even with a family. These tips offer ways to make dating and parenting work together.

Talk to your kids. Let them know you will be meeting other people, but reassure them that you love them very much and no one will replace them. This article offers great advice for starting the conversation and keeping the lines open.
Don’t introduce every date. If you have your children meet every person you date, it can confuse them. Leave the introduction for that special someone who will be around for more than a few dates.
Let the relationship with the kids happen naturally. If you introduce your children and they don’t respond well, give them time. Don’t try to force the relationship to happen or you may drive them away.
Let parenting come in its time. If your new boyfriend or girlfriend is becoming more than just a casual date, don’t force him or her into parenting your children too soon. When all of you are comfortable with soccer practice pick-ups or disciplining the children, it will occur naturally.
Don’t let the kids control you. Your children may feel resentful that you are spending less time with them if you start dating someone. Don’t let their feelings stop you from dating. Listen to your children’s feelings and then explain that you like to be with friends just like they do–and reassure them that you love them.
Find a balance. You may feel that your children must always take priority over a date or that your need for a date must always take priority over the children. Neither way is healthy for you or your family. Find a balance and make time for both.

June 10th, 2008

15 Sexiest Gadgets for the Bedroom and Beyond

Even if you think you’ve got a satisfying sex life, there’s a chance you haven’t tapped into your full erotic potential. Role playing, bedroom games and chocolate syrup are all well and good, but to get you really going, we’re dropping these 15 gadgets into your lap to encourage you to try something a little…or a lot wilder. From robots to swings to teeny vibrators that hide in your underwear, you can make the most of these sexy toys with or without a partner.

Vibrators

These toys go way beyond the ordinary vibrator. Have fun with features like rotating beads, wireless remote control capabilities, and special-powered rabbit ears.

The Rabbit: Sex and the City fans will never forget the Season 1 episode in which Miranda and Carrie had to stage an intervention for Charlotte and this vibrator. There are several different versions of the vibrator, including models with swirling pearl beads inside, vibrators that can go in the water, and rabbits that focus especially on the G-spot. All of these vibrators come with a wireless remote control so you can let the rabbit get busy while you relax.
Hitachi Magic Wand: The website Holistic Wisdom ranks this vibrator as "one of the best sex toys available." Use the Hitachi Magic Wand as a body massager or as a vibrator with or without the G-spot stimulation attachment. Holistic Wisdom also considers this toy as one of the best sex toys for overweight men and women.
Vibro Pod: This vibrator is mp3 compatible, so your vibrations pulse along to the rhythm of the song you’re listening to. The Vibro Pod also features an 8-function mode so you can enjoy 8 different types of vibrations and escalations if you don’t have an mp3 player or just want to mix things up.
Cyberskin Passion Flower Strap On: This strap on is designed to stimulate your clitoris during masturbation, oral sex or intercourse. The woman straps the vibrator on, and the super quiet hum massages in all the right places without causing a distraction.
TongueJoy Oral Vibrator: This teeny vibrator straps onto your tongue, giving your partner ultimate satisfaction during oral sex. The vibrator is battery operated, chrome plated and comes with three different sized bands.

Sex Machines and Robots

For the truly experimental, these sex machines and sex robots offer other worldly sexual adventures.

Love Machine: This intense sex machine almost looks like a workout machine, but its dildo and PassionSkin Stroker attachments leave little to the imagination. The machine features a motor that can thrust and stroke you virtually anywhere, vibrating accessories, and different speeds to give you a customized experience on your back, from behind, on top, and any other way you like it.
Spinning Swing: This sex swing also comes with a stand, so you can set it up in any room in your house. The swing features 360-degree rotation and can hold up to 400 lbs.
Andy: Andy is short of Android, and she’s a beloved sex robot with an eerily human appearance. Andy is made with silicone, and she is able to mimic real-life breathing, moaning and sighing. If you ask nicely, Andy can even move around in different positions and urinate, if you so desire.
Infrared Electric Massager: This vibrator also comes with internal sleeves for women, allowing both partners to experiment with different textures and vibrations.
Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit: Assemble your own pole so that you can treat your lover to a sexy striptease wherever you want.

Portable Goodies

Sex doesn’t just take place in the bedroom. Take your sexploration with you wherever you go with these fun toys.

Penis Sleeves: If you want to instantly grow your penis a few inches around or in length, try putting on one of these penis sleeves. You can browse vibrating sleeves, sleeves with special G-spot reach capabilities, and sleeves with solid tips.
Vibrating Panty Pals: You can have an orgasm whenever and wherever you want when you apply one of these battery-powered clitoris stimulators to your underwear. They come in three different designs: a red heart, a pink butterfly, and a purple star.
Masturbation Sleeve: The top of this sleeve resembles a woman’s vagina, and once you slip inside, pearl beads massage your penis according to varying speeds. The opening features a sucking motion to give you pleasure all over, and the toy also comes with a snap-on lid for easy transportation.
Blow Job Simulator: If you’re desperate for a blow job but don’t have a go-to partner, try out one of these blow job simulators. They come in designs as graphic as you like.
Hide Your Vibe Pillow: This toy looks like an ordinary leopard-skin print pillow, but it features a secret "magical" pocket "where you can easily ‘park’ your favorite vibe for long-long time."

June 5th, 2008

100+ Resources to Get You Through a Break Up

By Tara Miller

When you’ve just broken up with someone, you’re probably stuck between wanting to obsess about your ex and your relationship and wanting to zap yourself into the magical realm of "I’m so over it and on to something new." If you’re staying up until 3 a.m. searching the Internet for answers to why "the one" turned out to be "the one who dumped you," make this list your first stop. We’ve compiled over 100 different resources to soothe your aching heart, indulge in distractions to avoid wallowing 24/7, and eventually move on and maybe even start dating again. But let’s take it slow.

Grieving and the First Steps

Let yourself grieve the healthy way by considering these tips and little bits of advice that will help you get back on your feet – gradually.

How to Survive a Break Up: MamasHealth.com recommends making the best of your new free time, learning to accept your emotions, and doing something for yourself to get over a break up.
10 Tips to Help Get Through a Break Up: These ten tips will help you grieve without letting you fall apart.
The Aftermath of a Break up: This article explores how people feel after a break up and tries to offer comfort for dealing with the pain and confusion that comes when a relationship ends.
Empowering Break Up Songs: This list of songs includes "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera, "Strong Enough," by Cher, and "You Keep Me Hangin’ On," by The Supremes.
Get Through a Break Up: This post challenges readers to get some physical contact, exercise, and force themselves to be social.
Dealing With Anger After a Break Up: This three-part series will help you deal with anger in a healthy, responsible way.
Losing a Partner: If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you’re probably having a very tough time losing your partner, even if you’re trying to focus on the bad parts. This article will help you grieve and then move on.
Stop Crying and Get Over It: This post explores break up behavior like denial and depression, and gives tips on how to get over it.
Your Girlfriend Left You, Now What?: If you’re trying to get over the pain and shock of a sudden break up, turn to this guide for help.
Extreme Breakup Recovery: Maximum Healing, Minimum Time: This approach recommends facing the reality of the break up, accepting it, seeing the lessons, and then taking yourself to a new level.
The Emotions of Grief During a Breakup: Susan J. Elliott, J.D., M.Ed. of the blog Getting Past Your Past http://GettingPastYourPast.wordpress.com goes over the three phases of grief in this post.
College Candy’s Break-Up Survival Kit: The College Candy offers this survival kit for dealing with a break up, including making lots of plans, getting drunk and putting chamomile tea bags on your puffy red eyes.

Counseling

These articles focus on the emotional pain of breaking up and how you can heal yourself back to normal.

It’s Not Me It’s You: Read the review of this popular break-up advice book here.
Getting Through a Breakup: The UCLA Center for Women and Men posts this article to help you heal, gain perspective, and find support in the wake of a painful break up.
Break-ups: How To Survive Them: This post goes over emotional effects of a break up like having trouble trusting anyone, struggling with starting over, and even suffering an identity crisis.
Recovering From a Break-Up: This article from the University of California – Riverside Counseling Center has lots of advice for young singles going through a tough break up.

Divorce

Breaking up a 6-month relationship isn’t the same as getting a divorce. Read this list for unique advice for more complicated break ups.

Stages of Divorce/Breakup: Understand the normal stages of getting through a divorce, and you’ll be more ready to accept and get through each one.
Divorce 360: This site is still in beta form, but it hosts lots of resources for deciding whether or not to get divorced, moving on, getting through a separation, marriage counseling, and more.
Protecting Children Through a Divorce of Break-Up: For many divorcing couples, protecting their children is a huge worry. Use this guide to help you manage it the right way.
Dealing with a Divorce: From "splitting the assets" to breaking the news to your children to moving on, this post tackles it all.
Moving On Checklist: Steps to Consider After Divorce: If you think you’re finally ready to move on after a divorce, consider these steps first.
Helping Your Child Cope with the Breakup: Get great tips for managing your divorce and your children in this article.

Break up Humor

Sometimes a little laugh will help you get through the worst times. Check out these humorous break up jokes and stories to give yourself a little relief.

We’re Through: The Breakup Song: This song is a funny remake of the end song in Juno.
Boozing Through a Break Up: Drowning your sorrows in alcohol to get over your ex may not be the healthiest strategy, but this article offers a hysterical take on boozing through your break up.
Shocking Statistic Reveals 1 in 7 Share K-FEd’s Breakup Fate: At least your ex didn’t break up with you in front of millions of people. Or if they did, at least you’re not alone!
No One Cares About Your Girlfriend Back Home: If you’re feeling bad about breaking up because long distance wasn’t a great idea, read this funny article from the Onion.
Top 10 Ways to Break Up: This humorous article lists "stop showering" and "fake your own death" as ways to break up with someone.
Breaking Up is Hard to Do: This article lists break up reactions according to college major. For example, business majors would "decide that they’re spending way too much money," and education majors would "concede that the relationship was a learning experience."
Why Booze and Breakups Don’t Mix: This article actually offers good advice, but you’ll probably get a kick out of imagining the drunk dial scenarios.
Cyber Break Up Humor: This parody lists different reasons why a cyber couple would break up.
Funny Break Up Stories: Here’s a clip from Oprah that features crazy real-life break up stories in honor of the release of the film The Break Up with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. If the stories don’t make you feel better, getting to look at Vince Vaughn might!
How to Break Up: This funny, oversimplified cartoon tracks a relationship through the happy times, break ups, back together again, another break up…you get the idea.

Articles and Guides

Sometimes you just want someone else to tell you how to behave and what to do after a break up, helping you pick yourself up off the floor and start behaving like a coherent human being. You’ll find plenty of survival guides here.

How to Get Through a Breakup: Tips like "stay away from your ex" and "express yourself" will help you concentrate on the things that you really want in life.
How to Get Through a Break Up: This guide walks you through each step of the breaking up process.
The DUMPED! Break-Up Survival Guide: This article on Girlposse.com will help you through the first 48 hours, the first week, second week, and last two weeks of a break up.
How to Break Up: Part I: Catherine Specter of The Huffington Post writes about distracting yourself, surviving the first few days, and rebounding the right way.
Steps to Getting Through a Break Up: Can you get over a break up in ten steps? Follow this guide to find out.
How to Get Through a Break Up: If you’re tired of reading sappy articles about getting over your ex, try this cut and dry guide from eHow.com.
Helping a Friend Through a Breakup: If your friend is having a tough time recuperating from a bad break up, read this guide for help knowing what to do.
Getting Through a Breakup: This article is written for adolescents trying to cope with their first breakup.
When Breakups Aren’t So Clean: Cutting ties with your ex isn’t so easy when you work in the same office, have the same friends and aren’t able to get your stuff back. This article finds ways to deal with the messier problems.
Breakup Don’ts: Don’t forget to bathe, don’t stalk your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend, and definitely don’t get too out of control socially after a break up.
What do Do After a Breakup: This article helps new singles get "to the day when [they] can tell [themselves] "what was I thinking?"
Digital Breakup: This collection of online tools and resources will help you break up with someone, get over your break up, and start dating again.
Getting Through a Break Up: This terrific guide from nzgirl goes over the things you will feel like doing after a break up vs. the things you should you do.

Being Independent

After a break up, it’s tough to imagine being independent. Stop feeling lonely and start realizing that you might actually be a pretty cool person to hang out with — by yourself.

The Magic Formula for Overcoming a Break-up Fast: This blogger lists seven important traits for getting over a break up super fast.
Why You Should Never Try and Sacrifice Your Values to Save a Relationship: If you’re feeling guilty about breaking up with someone because you refused to change, read this article to give your self-confidence a boost.
To 5 Break Up Songs: This list of break up songs focuses on being alone and being free.
Breaking Through: Senior Spring Break-Up Blitz: This guide for college students offers advice for freeing yourself of a relationship before graduation.
Breaking Up Late in Life: Being independent after a very long relationship can be scary when you’re past the traditional dating age. Get advice from this post.
What’s So Great About Being Alone?: Find out what real readers have to say about being alone, and you’ll find new ideas for things to keep you preoccupied.
Should You Be Single for a While?: Consider the single life before moving on to another relationship right away.
The Singles Cafe: This site has several articles about living alone, being independent and being more social.
Rediscovering Yourself and Being Your Own Person: This post shows you how to "re-discover and re-invent" yourself after a relationship ends.
How to Inch Your Way Back to Being Social: If you and your ex spent all your time exclusively together, you may find that forcing yourself to be social after a break up is tough. This guide will help you through the transition.

Learning from Your Break Up

Take these quizzes and read these relationship education posts to turn your break up into a learning experience.

10 Positive Break Up Quotes and What We Can Learn From Them: These "positive and inspiring break up quotes" will help you get over your break up in a healthy way.
Learning From a Relationship Breakdown: This detailed article goes over typical feelings during a break up and offers up lessons that can be learned from the end of the relationship.
Boosting Self-Esteem After a Breakup: This Q&A from iVillage emphasizes the importance of focusing on your needs and your confidence levels after a break up.
The Break-Up Test: Take this quiz to see if you’re ready to move on.
What Went Wrong? When Relationships Go From Hot to Cold: Learn what leads to a sour relationship so you’ll know better next time.
The Post-Breakup Quiz: Cheer yourself up by discovering you’re probably better off without your ex in this quiz.
Test Your Commitment Readiness: Did you learn anything from your last relationship? Find out if you’re ready to get serious again with this quiz.
Do You Fall In Love Too Fast?: Take this test and find out if this is the reason for your last break up.
Who’s Your Mr. Right?: Get over your last guy by finding how that your true Mr. Right is someone completely different.
Relationship Quizzes: Visit this site for tons of relationship quizzes that will gradually help you move on and learn more about yourself.

Blogs and Sites

From an online comic strip to The Breakup Blog, bookmark these sites so you can turn to them for help over and over again.

LovesAGame: This blog is all about break ups, relationship healing, dealing with your ex and lost loves.
The Breakup Blog: Recent posts on this blog include "6 Signs You’re Finally Over Your Ex-Girlfriend," and "Why Sex With The Ex Is Bad News During A Breakup."
Breakup Girl: This site includes advice, comics and animation based on Breakup Girl, the "only superhero whose domain is love — or lack thereof — and who mends broken hearts worldwide with the help of the worldwide Web." Her "job is to fight crimes of the heart, stop dating indignities, get your stuff back, help you help your mom through your breakup, [and] make good relationships great."

Getting Support and Moving On

After you’ve grieved, moped and trash talked your ex to your friends, it’s time to get yourself ready to move on. Find support and encouragement in this list.

How Do You Get Through a Breakup?: Dive Caroline asks readers to share their real-life tips for getting over a break up. Read their responses for extra advice.
How Do I Get Through a Bad Break up?: Find out what readers have to say about getting through a break up here.
How to Forget a Past Relationship: This realistic guide can help you totally let go of a past relationship.
If At First You Don’t Succeed?: Should you try to get back together with your ex after a painful break up? This article explores the option.
Moving On: Life After Your Ex: There is definitely life after your ex. Learn how to "clean house," limit contact with your ex and forgive him or her so that you can effectively move on.
10 Things You Should Know Before You Commit: If your last relationship lasted several years, you may have forgotten the things you should know and do before starting up a new one. Use this guide for tips on how to commit again.
The Vicious Cycle of Your Memories: Stop torturing yourself with relationship memories by taking the advice offered here.
After a Breakup: Getting Back in the Game: This article offers advice like "get pampered," "take care of your body," and "help someone else" to give you the confidence to move on.
Relationships: How to Start Moving on from a Break-up: LifeSpy’s article suggests getting rid of relationship souvenirs, organizing a fresh start and staying away from sappy movies as effective ways to move on.
From Being Under Him to Getting Over Him: A Timeline: If all your friends hated your ex, how long will it take you to get over him? What about if the sex was great or he forgot all your birthdays? Find out in this fun timeline.

Distractions

Movies and other distractions will indulge your break up obsession but will give you a little perspective on your specific situation.

An Inspiring Break Up Movie You Must Not Miss: This blogger recommends watching Under the Tuscan Sun to help you get over a break up.
Break-Up Movies: From Fatal Attraction to The Way We Were to When Harry Met Sally, these are some of the best break-up movies. You can also complete a change of address here.
Just Went Through a Breakup? Time to Party!: College Candy recommends throwing yourself a party to help get you through a breakup. The article has lots of links and ideas to help you with the theme.
Five Songs to Get You Through the Night: The Messy Breakup: Soothe your teary self to sleep with songs like "At Least that’s What You Said" and "Road to Joy."
3 Healthy Distractions from Break-Up Pain: This article lauds the power of a girls’ night out, shopping sprees and a new healthy diet and exercise plan.
Sexiest Stars: TV’s Hottest Men: Was your ex as hot as Chace Crawford or Taye Diggs? We doubt it.
Post Break-Up Distractions: Guys will find distraction in these activities.
SI Swimsuit Collection: There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and you can start moving on from your break up here.

Dating Again

Gradually get back in the game by posting a profile on an online dating site and increasing your circle of friends.

Online Dating — A Cure for Post Breakup Blues: Find out why online dating can help you ease back into the dating game.
Dating After a Break-Up: This article suggests several different ideas for meeting new people.
After a Break-Up: How to Enter the Dating Scene: Tips like "do not jump into the bedroom too quickly" and "learn how to compromise" are smart tips for new singles.
How Online Dating Helps You Recover from a Break-Up: This article asks readers to consider online dating before tackling real-world dating.
Blind Dating Tips: If you’re not up to searching for a date yourself, have your friends set you up.
How to Fall in Love Again after a Breakup: Even if you’re not ready for love just yet, reading this article might make you feel better, by letting you know that it’s possible to love again.
How to Get Through Your First Date After the Divorce: If you’re nervous about dating again after being a in a long-term relationship, consider the advice in this article.
6 Guys You Don’t Want to Date After a Divorce: From the "Mr. Angry – I’m Divorced Too" guy to "The Dr. Phil Clone," steer clear of these losers.

Meeting Your Ex for the First Time

Prepare yourself for the inevitable first meeting with your ex by considering the advice offered here.

6 Tips on Playing it Cool During an Ex-Sighting: Don’t run and hide when you see your ex for the first time since the break up. Turn to this guide to help you make the most of the dreaded encounter.
"Meet Your Ex-Girlfriend After a Breakup — 6 Dos and Dont’s: From keeping the mood light to acting cool to keeping your expectations low, this guide goes over the basic rules for meeting an ex for the first time.
Can We Be Friends? Shifting from Partnership to Friendship: This smart guide will help you decide whether or not being friends with your ex is a good idea for your specific situation.
How do You Respond When You Run Into Your Ex?: Find out how real-life readers answer this question on the Love Shack forum.

Miscellaneous

From being on a break to browsing items at The Break-Up SuperShop, this list has even more break up resources to keep you going.

On a ‘Break’: What does being on a "break" really mean? This article "examine[s] the male psyche" to find out.
Sex With Your Ex: Should you have noncommittal sex with your ex? This article explores whether or not it’s a good idea.
The Break-Up SuperShop: Girlposse.com’s break-up store has a variety of books about surviving a break up.
Dealing with a Break Up: Find out how to "get custody" of your friends, survive being dumped, and start dating again with the help of this article.

June 4th, 2008

50+ Dating Tips for Gold Diggers

Quick: a cougar with $100 bills dripping from her pocketbook is passing you by! Do you a) follow behind her snatching up the money before dashing off; b) catch a handful of the cash and return it to her hoping for a reward; or c) leave all of the money on the ground and "bump" into her by mistake before whisking her off her feet and charming her into a solid relationship that results in your becoming her sole benefactor in her will. If you want lessons in how to be a successful gold digger, turn to this list of more than 50 tips, all designed to get you rich quick.

The Hunt

Find yourself a sugar daddy or sugar mama by following this advice.

Get your priorities straight: Before unleashing your seduction prowess, make sure you know exactly what you want out of your next relationship. A man worth $1 million or an international playboy worth $100 million?
Make your list: Keep your little black book up to date by researching Forbes’ lists of the richest men and women, the world’s top hedgefund managers and Saudi princes.
Stay organized: If you get caught dating more than one millionaire at a time, you’ll blow your cover and you’ll never be able to show your face at a major benefit again. Stay organized and avoid double booking.
Become a stalker: Knowing the habits and schedules of your potential mates will make it easier to seduce them.
Get a boob job: You have to look the part, right? Women should get a boob job so they’ll more easily fit in with all the other gold diggers clinging on to their society men.
Set up a fake business or money story to hide behind: No one can accuse you of being a gold digger if you’re already wealthy, can they? If you’re actually quite poor, come up with a story about a dead uncle who left you all of his money or a fake enterprise a la Wedding Crashers to give you a solid cover.
Get an invitation: Trying to sneak into a gala or the VIP room without an invite will call unnecessary attention to yourself and make everyone suspect your legitimacy as a rich, important somebody. Step on whoever you can to get a real invitation.
Join aSmallWorld: See if you can join this social networking site that’s reserved for the international jet setting group. You’ll meet new prey and will learn about the hottest parties to attend.
Advertise on Craigslist: Put up a posting that asks for someone who has a good education, a job in a prestigious field and likes to take vacations.
Before you ask someone their name, ask if they’ll buy you a drink: That way, you’ll know straight up if your potential sugar daddy or mama is okay with spending money freely on you.
Go to auctions where there is a minimum bidding price: Scrape together the cash or tag along with a rich friend to an auction or fundraiser that requires each party goer to spend a certain amount on tickets and bids.
Become well-versed in issues of finance: If you’re only going to be talking with rich men and women, make sure you are current on the stock market, economy, and anything else high society or money-related.
Offer to pay for the tip: Tsk-tsk’ing your date away from paying the tip while you whip out your roll of $5 bills will make you seem generous and independent. If you don’t at least pay for the tip, you risk looking like a mooch.
Wear lots of perfume, cologne, jewelry and outrageously fancy clothes: To blend in with the other rich people, of course.
"Forget" to bring your credit card: If all you bring to the bars or to dinner is a few dollars, your date will have to pay for both of you.
Only pursue cougars and older men: They’re the only ones with real money anyway.

Fitting In

Gold diggers must fit in with the "in" crowd if they want everyone to believe they’re genuinely attached to their millionaire lover.

Always own the newest model of everything: Show everyone you’re on the cutting edge by having the newest phone, latest clothes and all the best toys no one’s even heard of yet.
Show off your lover’s money: Show off your lover’s success by bragging to everyone how rich you two are.
Act very smart and put on heirs: To convince everyone that you’re disgustingly rich, tell everyone that you went to Yale and Harvard and that your family vacationed in St. Tropez and Palm Beach during your breaks. If they ask you your last name, just make up something that sounds rich.
Play tennis: Even if you don’t really know how to play tennis, you should still try to hold your own against those rich socialites who were trained by the professionals.
Beg for more money: You’ll need a hefty allowance to shop for clothes, a nice car and lots of presents for your generous date.
Become intoxicated at each party you attend: This sort of behavior is actually encouraged at rich people events, so you’ll fit in quite well.
Spend ridiculous amounts of money everywhere you go: Spending lots of money isn’t just for cars, clothes or vacations. Spend way too much at the grocery store, the gas station and the convenience store to prove to everyone how important you and your partner are.
Wear fur and jewelry in the middle of the afternoon: Just in case someone pops by and you need to show off.
Become friends with other rich men or women…just in case: Even if you’re technically taken, you can still flirt with Donald Trump and Stavros Niarchos just in case something "happens" to your lover.
Know everyone’s financial history backwards and forwards…and repeat it back to them whenever you can: Flatter your new friends by revealing to them how much you know about their bankruptcies, wills, new business ventures, trust funds and stock holdings. They’ll admire your attention to detail.

Getting What You Want, or, Focusing on the Money

Being a gold digger isn’t always easy. If you start to lose focus because sex with a much older man or woman is less appealing than you thought, or if you’re actually bored all day while everyone else is at work, follow this advice to keep you going strong.

Only think about money: Even if you’ve realized that you don’t actually love your new spouse or partner, focus on the money to make yourself feel better.
Recite "Money can buy you happiness" over and over: This little mantra will keep you focused even when you’re in the depths of despair.
Don’t get a job: No matter how bad things get, you can always find another rich lover, but never get a job. You’ll ruin your reputation.
Set up an affair for your lover: That way, you can catch him or her red handed, and demand new presents if they expect you to forgive them.
Make your lover jealous by flirting with other millionaires: Start a bidding war by flirting with other millionaires or billionaires. You’ll make your lover jealous, encouraging them to spend more money on you so that you’ll stay.
Go over your list of ex-boyfriends and girlfriends: If you survived dating other old, crabby men or women, you can make this relationship work too. It’s all worth it in the end.
Start stealing cash: Swipe $100 bills whenever you can so that you’ll always have a safety net just in case something happens.
Take lots of vacations alone: Ask to go on vacations without your lover so that you can spend all of their money without having to spend any time with them.
Visit the country house: Visit each of the country houses to "check on the servants" as a way to take a break from your sugar daddy or sugar mama without having to break up and lose the money.
Have a child: If you’re afraid that your lover is about to dump you, get pregnant so that they’ll forever be tied to you financially.
Refuse to sign a pre-nup: No matter what.
Constantly take on new redecorating projects: Redecorate every room in every house that belongs to your lover, just to keep yourself entertained and to have something to talk about at the club.
Go on another diet or exercise plan: If you aren’t happy, go on a more extreme diet or exercise plan to keep you distracted, make others envious of you, and spend more money on gurus, diet pills, gym memberships and spa detox retreats.
Pay in cash: If you pay in cash, there’s no record of where you spent your money, so you can tell your lover that you gave it away to a beggar on the street when you really got a dye job.
Plan lots of surprise dinners and special nights out for your lover: They will make you look like a caring partner, but you’ll be putting it all on your lover’s tab, of course.

The Break Up

Sometimes gold diggers have to deal with the painful break up of their relationship with the money and the will. Deal with death, divorce and separation by considering these last tips.

Hire a lawyer to manage the break up: even if it was just a one night stand.
Steal your ex’s Rolodex: That way, you’ll have all of their rich friend’s phone numbers for when you’re ready to rebound.
Start dressing even more provocatively than you did before the break up: That way, your ex will want you even more and may want to reconcile. If not, they may feel guilty enough to give you more presents or concessions during a divorce.
Don’t get too sentimental: Money and property are essential, so snatch everything up while you still can.
Visit WealthyMen.com: Go to this site to move on and meet someone even richer.
Barter for long-term settlements: If you’re in the middle of a divorce, keep your eyes on the long-term prizes, like vacation homes, private jets, stocks, and heirloom jewelry.

Your Heroes

Every gold digger needs to have a hero to look up to when times get tough. From Playmates to supermodels, these gold diggers went after what they wanted and got it every time.

Holly Madison: Holly Madison is one of Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends who appears on the E! reality series The Girls Next Door. According to the show, Madison is Hefner’s principal girlfriend at the moment, though he has had numerous girlfriends over the years. When Madison and Hefner met, Hefner had seven other girlfriends, but after a couple of years of dating, Madison has to compete with only two other "official" girlfriends. Gold diggers can take tips from Holly Madison, who consistently drops hints to Hugh Hefner that she wants to get married, despite his reputation. Persistence is key, ladies.
Heidi Klum: Most people know Heidi Klum as one of the sexiest and most successful Victoria’s Secret models of all time, but before her marriage to singer Seal, Heidi Klum was married to Flavio Briatore, who was 23 years her senior. Klum was still pregnant with Briatore’s child when she began dating Seal in 2004. Gold diggers can still take classy lessons from Klum, though, who announced her pregnancy on the same day that Briatore and Fiona Swarovski were caught kissing.
Anna Nicole Smith: Though Anna Nicole’s life ended in tragedy, she was the ultimate gold digger and became a celebrity in her own right. After her second husband billionaire J. Howard Marshall, who was 89 years old when he married the 26 year old Playboy model, died, Anna Nicole Smith inherited his wealth. Soon after, she filed for bankruptcy but ultimately became a legend and millionaire in her own right.
Heather Mills: Heather Mills is Paul McCartney’s ex-wife and one determined gold digger. During a nasty divorce saga, Mills demanded millions of dollars from McCartney, and according to Hollyscoop.com, she ultimately got $50 million out of the marriage and is now catching the eye of Donald Trump. Not bad for an ex-prostitute.
Marla Maples: Marla Maples is best known as the former beauty queen who had an affair with Donald Trump while he was married to Ivana. The two eventually married, had a daughter named Tiffany, and of course divorced. Since then, Maples has appeared on WWF WrestleMania VII and on the TV show The Ex-Wives Club. With a little determination and strategic dating, you too can become as successful as Marla Maples.

May 29th, 2008

37 Simple Things You Can Do to Be More Attractive to the Opposite Sex

Attraction is more than looking like a supermodel or professional athlete. It’s all about who you are as a person. The following suggestions touch on physical as well as mental changes that you can make to become more attractive. Most of these are super easy and don’t even require money. Give a few of these a try and see what sparks start flying.

Everyone Can Do These

No matter if you are a man or a woman, young or old, these tips are sure to help you become more attractive to others as well as yourself. Get practicing today!

Smile. A smile lights up your face and makes others want to smile too. It’s much easier to like someone with happiness radiating from them.. Your smile tells others that you are happy, confident, and open to getting to know them. Try a simple whitening technique to help brighten that smile, too.
Be honest. Lies eventually make their way to the surface. Being truthful (and faithful once you are in a relationship) nurtures trust and creates a strong foundation in a friendship or relationship. Honesty is sexy.
Keep it real. Don’t try to make yourself into someone you are not. If you go around bragging and boasting about what you would like to be rather than who you are, it will eventually come out. Being confident in who you are will make you so much more attractive than trying to wear a mask for who you would like to be.
Be well groomed. Bathe regularly and keep you hair clean. If you need a haircut, get one. Shaggy, unkempt hair is not attractive. Wearing clean clothes is also part of being well-groomed. If you’ve had the same jeans on for a week, it will show.
Show interest. Don’t just talk about yourself and what you like. Ask questions and show a genuine interest in the other person. If the person you are trying to impress notices that you really care about what he or she likes, then you have made yourself much more interesting.
Be Confident. Make decisions rather than always deferring to the other person, walking with your shoulders held back and your head up, and feeling sure of yourself all make an important impact on how you look to the opposite sex. Here are some tips on looking and feeling more confident.
Exercise. Sitting around watching TV and eating potato chips all weekend takes its toll on your body. Get outside and walk, run, or ride your bike. Better yet, go to a gym where you can do some exercise and potentially meet someone. Find some motivation and get moving!
Think positively. No one likes to listen to a complainer. Trying to find the positive in each situation will show that you are resilient and resourceful. People who believe they can make things happen are much more attractive than those who allow themselves to fall victim to circumstances. Follow these tips to break the habit of negative thinking.
Flirt. Learn how to be playful, yet not overbearing. The goal of flirting is to show the other person you are interested…but not too much. Use a light touch, laugh at or tell jokes (not too racy, now), and make eye contact. Find out more about flirting here and get some practice in right away.
But don’t flirt with just anyone. Throwing yourself at any available person of the opposite sex is definitely not sexy. If you are trying to attract the attention of one person, keep your attention on them. They will definitely think you aren’t interested if you are paying more attention to the person at the table next to you.
Hold your temper. If things don’t go just right or if something unexpected comes along, don’t overreact. Staying calm and letting the situation play itself out with out any added drama makes you look mature and capable.
Keep your promise. If you agree to an activity or to meet at a certain time, do what you promised. By keeping your word, you show that you know the value of the other person’s time and respect them enough to do what you said you would.
Get a sense of humor. Both men and women love a person with a sense of humor. This doesn’t mean you have to know the best jokes or you laugh at everything she says. A sense of humor just means you can use and appreciate humor. Use this advice to help improve your sense of humor.
Don’t stalk. Don’t call her three times a day and don’t follow him home from work. Stalking is not only unattractive, it’s unsettling. Find a way to show you are interested without going overboard. And if your interest has made it plain that she or he is not interested in you, then back off quickly.
Forget past relationships. At least while you are talking to others, don’t dwell on past break-ups or the ex. Especially, don’t assign blame for the end of the relationship. Focus on the future and leave the past out of your conversations with new people.
Look beyond the physical. If you are only willing to accept the best looking person in the room as a potential date, you are not only setting yourself up to fail, but you are also projecting the idea to others that you only care about superficial qualities. Showing interest in someone’s talent, intelligence, or charming personality opens up your world to new possibilities and shows others that you have a depth that appreciates more in life than a fleeting beauty.
Have fun. When you are having fun, others want to join you. Find ways to have fun in every situation. Practice. If you are stuck in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles, make jokes or strike up casual conversation. Don’t focus on the negative part of the wait, but enjoy meeting those around you–even if you aren’t attracted to them. After a few times, you will feel comfortable enough to make fun wherever you go.

For Men

Guys, here are some suggestions specifically for you. Making these simple changes can take you a long way when it comes to impressing the women.

Be respectful. Treat women with respect. Making derogatory statements or belittling her will most certainly turn her off. Instead, comment on her positive traits and enjoy what she can bring to the relationship.
Don’t look for a mother figure. Women want to be your equal, not your mother. Don’t expect that they want to be at your beck and call or that they live to do for you. Realize that women are people too and have their own wishes and needs to attend to. Go ask your mom for that kind of attention, not the girl you are trying to attract.
Lose the shyness. Standing behind your buddies and not making eye contact will not make you very attractive. Stand up straight, look her in the eye, and smile. If she smiles back, you know you’ve made a connection.
Don’t think sex. If you are just trying to get a woman into bed, it will show. Be genuinely excited to spend time with a woman without trying to have sex with her. If it happens, that’s a bonus, but don’t make it the goal.
Use compliments wisely. Overusing compliments or trying too hard to be nice will just make you look desperate. Use compliments when you really mean them. Also, make them specific. Don’t tell a woman she’s beautiful, comment on the shoes she’s wearing or the way she has styled her hair. Learn more about compliments here.
Be romantic. Romantic doesn’t have to be over the top. Simple things like showing up for a date with a single Gerber daisy goes a long way in the romance department and shows the woman of your attention that you are interested in making her happy. Here are some tips for easy, inexpensive ways to show your romantic side.
Be sensitive. The stoic man who never seems to feel emotions is usually not attractive to a woman. If you can recognize a tender, sad, or especially touching moment with a few simple words, you will appear sensitive and much more attractive than if you ignore the emotion of a moment. Additionally, being sensitive to her needs will take you far. Men who appear out of touch with what is going on are generally not considered attractive. This fun primer will help you get started on understanding sensitivity.
Don’t obsess on sports. Lots of men love sports and lots of women do not. Staring at the basketball game on the TV above her head or talking non-stop about who you think will be the first round draft choice are not attractive.
Be mature. There’s not a bigger turn-off than watching a guy do several beer bongs or listening to a man tell the story of how he totally blew off the child support payments to his baby’s mother. Be a man and do the right thing. It’s very attractive.
Listen. Don’t just hear the words coming out of her mouth, but really listen to what she is saying. Nod your head or interject with an "uh-huh" here and there. When she realizes you care enough to pay attention to her, she will be interested in you.

For Women

Okay girls, it’s your turn. Give some of this advice a try and see where it takes you.

Accept a compliment. When he tells you how much he likes your bracelet, thank him. You don’t have to gush, but also don’t completely blow him off. Accepting a compliment with grace speaks volumes about you.
Dress age-appropriately. If you are twenty-something, don’t dress like your grandma and conversely, if you are a sexy fifty-something, don’t shop for your clothes in the juniors’ department. Dressing your age makes you look more attractive. Also, make sure your clothes fit properly. Too tight or too baggy is not pretty. Men will appreciate the fact that you have enough confidence to dress with style and elegance.
Find your niche. Are you a professional, a rock star, or an athlete? Dress your part and live your life accordingly. If you love high heels and skirts, wearing hiking boots and shorts to a date where you are trying to impress an athletic guy sends mixed messages to your date and you will probably feel less comfortable.
Lose the drama. Bursting into tears over a broken nail, berating the waiter because he forgot your lemon wedge, and giggling loudly or uncontrollably are not attractive. Neither is constantly gossiping about every girl you know. Your zest for life is a good thing, just remember to keep a perspective about what is happening and how you react.
Ask him out. Asking a guy out is sexy. It shows you have confidence and aren’t willing to just sit back and let him take the lead. Here are some tips on how to ask a guy for a date.
Have an opinion. Agreeing with everything he says won’t impress him. Sometimes you may have similar views. At those other times, be honest about how you feel or what you think. Happily agreeing to a date to an action movie when you hate them doesn’t help the relationship or your attractiveness.
Wear makeup appropriately. Heavy makeup says you lack confidence in your appearance while no makeup at all can tell a man that you just don’t care about your appearance. Strike a balance and look your best. For tips on makeup application and selection, visit this blog.
Control jealousy. Nothing looks more unattractive than a jealous woman. Especially early on in a relationship when there is just no reason, acting jealous of his friendships, past relationships, or how he spends his time is just a turn-off.
Don’t focus on how you look. It’s important that you look nice and you feel comfortable–and you want to choose an attractive picture to put on dating site profiles–but don’t spend all your time worrying over your appearance or asking how something looks. Men just want to enjoy your company and don’t really care if your hair is perfect.
Take it slow. Don’t start picking out the engagement ring after the second date. If he is interested, he will call you or send an email. If you start taking the relationship too serious too quickly, he will probably not stick around.

Now that you know what to do, get out there and start practicing. Plan a night out with your friends or accept an invitation to a party so you can put some of your newfound attractiveness to work for you. Happy dating!

May 28th, 2008

10 Surprising Celebrity Romances You Never Heard About

Because even people who don’t care about celebrities know every detail about Brangelina’s twins and Lindsay and Britney’s breakdowns, it’s hard to believe that any Hollywood romance could slip by unnoticed. There was, however, a time before the Internet and the paparazzi documented each misstep celebrities took, and it’s easy to forget the random hookups from the 80s and 90s. Some celebrity couples were so short lived, and even though they hooked up at a time when bloggers and tabloids are still on top of their game, those couples got lost in the hoopla surrounding Paris Hilton’s jail sentence, Jessica’s jinxing the Dallas Cowboys or some other celebrity scandal. To honor the pure randomness and scariness of these surprising couples, we’ve dug up our favorites from the Hollywood past.

Sheryl Crow and Owen Wilson: We thought the only thing Sheryl Crow and Owen Wilson had in common was Kate Hudson, Owen’s ex who is now dating Sheryl’s ex, Lance Armstrong. As it turns out, Sheryl and Owen dated for three years, when Owen was just starting to make it in Hollywood with Shanghai Noon, Breakfast of Champions and Meet the Parents.
Liam Neeson and Jennifer Grey: Liam Neeson dated Jennifer Grey?! We’ve always associated Liam Neeson as the kindly upstanding citizen and father figure from movies like Schindler’s List, Star Wars, Michael Collins and other major movies. While we thought Jennifer Grey was fantastic in Dirty Dancing and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, we didn’t think the two were in the same league.
Moby and Natalie Portman: Moby and Natalie Portman are both thoughtful vegans, but we’re still a little bit confused. Moby acknowledges that it was "a very brief affair," but is vague about when he and Queen Amidala hung out.
George Clooney and Lucy Liu: If poor Lucy Liu got as much paparazzi credit when she dated George as current flame Sarah Larson does, she probably wouldn’t be on this list. George and Lucy were definitely a beautiful couple when they dated in 2000 and made out in 2006, but they certainly didn’t get the attention they deserved.
Drew Barrymore and David Arquette: Before David found Courteney, he hooked up with then-still-a-little-too-wild Drew Barrymore. They’re both cute and kooky, but let’s not forget that they also played brother and sister in 1999′s Never Been Kissed.
Brad Pitt and Christina Applegate: Back in the 80s and 90s, Brad Pitt dated Gwyneth, Juliette Lewis and…Christina Applegate? Christina was super hot stuff back then on Married With Children, but can a TV star really hold her own with a gorgeous movie star like Brad Pitt? Let’s rephrase that. Can a TV star hold her own against Brad Pitt if they aren’t at least Friends first? Since Christina and Brad only dated for a brief stint in 1988, we think not.
Kimberly Stewart and Tommy Lee: Everyone knows Tommy Lee likes pretty blondes, and it’s probably only natural for Kimberly Stewart to go after rocker dudes, since her dad is Rod Stewart. What makes this story so weird is the fact that Rachel Hunter, Kimberly’s ex step-mom, also dated Tommy Lee. Kimberly and Tommy Lee briefly hooked up in 2007, when Tommy Lee was 44 and Kimberly was 26.
Keaunu Reeves and Diane Keaton: Keanu Reeves and Diane Keaton were co-stars in the 2003 movie Something’s Gotta Give, but they started dating in 2005, when Keanu was 40 and Diane was 59. Does Diane still get to be a cougar if her beau is also nearing middle age?
Reese Witherspoon and Stephen Dorff: This couple is one of the most bizarre items on our list. When Reese Witherspoon and Stephen Dorff dated in 1994, they were both young and blonde. In 2008, they still don’t have much more than that in common. Reese is one of the highest paid and most successful actresses in Hollywood, and Stephen Dorff is…sort of hot, but a major washout.
Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong: It’s true that Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen’s 2007 hookup was documented in the tabloids, but it was so short lived that you may have missed it. Plus, it’s just weird. Lance is 15 years older than the former Full House shorty, which is still a pretty hefty age difference if you’re only 21. And what could the two possibly have had to talk about? Lance is a seven-time Tour de France winner, a cancer survivor and random BFFs with Matthew McConaughey and Owen Wilson. Ashley? Well she’s cute, fashionable and a multimillionaire. We guess it could work.

May 22nd, 2008

Top 10 Ugly & Hilarious Celebrity Break-ups of All Time

Anyone who’s been through a break-up or a divorce knows that things can get ugly fast. It takes a lot of hard work to stay friends after a separation or even just to be civil to one another during unavoidable encounters. For celebrities, though, everything seems to be blown up on a bigger scale, and ugly break-ups are no exception. From surprise break-ups on national TV to cheating lovers, these are the top 10 ugly, and sometimes hilarious, celebrity break-ups of all time.

Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin: Oscar-winning actress Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin had been married for seven years and had a five year-old daughter, Ireland, when Basinger filed for divorce in 2001. Since then, the pair has been in the spotlight for starting rumors about each other, name-calling, and of course putting Ireland in the middle of the fight. In 2006, Baldwin called Basinger’s lawyer a "300-pound homunculus whose face looks like a cross between a bulldog and a clenched fist." A year later, the media pounced on Baldwin again for a violent phone message he left with daughter Ireland, calling her a "thoughtless little pig."
Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards: Three years after actors Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards were married, Richards filed for divorce. Richards was then pregnant with the couple’s second child, Lola, and a few months after she was born, the two tried to give the marriage another try by going to counseling. Sheen and Richards did end up getting divorced in November 2006, but they are still entangled in a bitter custody battle that includes a restraining order against Sheen because of prostitute and pornography habits. Though Sheen was granted partial custody of his daughters, the war waged on, as Sheen called Richards "a sad, jobless pig," "evil," and "a bad mom." He even e-mailed her, saying that she should "go cry to your bald mom, you loser," making a reference to Richards’ mother who has cancer.
Halle Berry and David Justice: Former Miss America and Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry is quite a catch, but baseball player David Justice didn’t seem to think so. After reports of physical abuse, Berry filed for divorce in 1996, after a three-year marriage which Berry proposed. Breaking up because of domestic abuse is horrible enough, but the troubles continued after the divorce. Justice tried to get alimony payments from his ex-wife, stating, "since she wants to take all of my money, I should turn around and do the same to her." In 2007, Berry revealed that after the divorce, she tried to commit suicide but decided against it when she considered the feelings of her mother.
Matt Damon and Minnie Driver: Back when Matt Damon was the new break-out star with fellow Oscar-winning pal Ben Affleck, it seems he was trying to evolve his love life as well. While Damon did the talk show circuit in 1998 for Good Will Hunting and his Academy Award, he appeared on Oprah Winfrey, who asked him about his relationship with Driver, who co-starred in the film. Damon famously told Oprah that he and Minnie Driver were no longer together, but Driver later claimed that she had no idea they had broken up. The blog Twoop further tracks the episode to 1998, when both Matt Damon and Minnie Driver received the ShoWest Awards for Best Male Star and Best Female Star of Tomorrow and had to stand next to each other on stage. Today, the incident seems more like a rumor, but it still makes our list for a hilarious break-up story
Jude Law and Sienna Miller: It didn’t seem fair that two such good looking people could be so blissfully happy as Jude Law and Sienna Miller. The two British actors had been dating since 2004, when they met on the set of their movie Alfie. Miller quickly became known as a budding actress and style icon as she attended parties and events with Jude Law, and the couple was engaged at Christmas of the same year. In 2005, "the nanny" story broke, and Law admitted to cheating on his fiancee with his children’s nanny — who was hired by Law’s ex-wife Sadie Frost — several times. Miller, 23, broke off the engagement and surrounded herself with protective family members and friends. The media and the public quickly sided with Miller, who was often seen in tears running to and from her London stage production of As You Like It. Rumors about the couple making up circulated for a while, but eventually fizzled out.
Kate Moss and Pete Doherty: Supermodel and fashion icon Kate Moss and bad boy rocker Pete Doherty stuck together through countless stays in rehab, a cocaine scandal, street fights and even a refusal to meet the Queen. The British couple were on again-off again for several years, and became engaged in 2007 after Doherty pledged to stay clean. Moss had already been working hard on cleaning up her image, but the love sick Doherty wasn’t doing as well. Rumors swirled about Moss’ annoyance with Doherty, and when she ended the relationship for good, Doherty called her "a nasty old rag," before saying that "I love her with all my heart. I like the way she walks and talks. I love her bones. I love her brain."
Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora: Heather Locklear has been a Hollywood bombshell for many years, and has been married to two legendary rock stars: Tommy Lee and Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora. Locklear and Sambora were married in 1994 and were together for 11 years before Locklear allegedly surprised her husband with divorce papers. After the divorce, Sambora hooked up with Heather’s friend Denise Richards. The story got even more complicated with the reports that Richards actually encouraged Locklear to get a divorce in the first place, leading some to believe that Richards and Sambora had some sort of relationship while he was married to Locklear. The Richards-Sambora relationship eventually ended, sending Sambora back to his ex-wife, begging for a reconciliation. Good luck, buddy.
Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan: What would you do if your football star boyfriend left you for the hottest supermodel in the world…while you were carrying his baby? Actress Bridget Moynahan and Patriots quaterback Tom Brady dated for three years. Brady realized Moynahan was pregnant about the same time that the couple broke up, leading both camps to point accusatory fingers at who was trying to sabotage who. The celebrity blog Gawker reports that Brady’s friends believe Moynahan tried to get pregnant on purpose, while Moynahan’s supporters call Brady "the gross one" for "immediately" starting to date Gisele Bundchen after the news.
Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman: Who could forget Carmen Electra’s and Dennis Rodman’s surprise Las Vegas wedding in 1998? At first, Rodman’s camp reported that Rodman had been tricked into marrying Electra when he was drunk, but he later clarified that he loved Electra and wanted to marry her despite what anyone else said. The two had been dating for less than a year and filed for an annulment just ten days after the Vegas ceremony. Unfortunately for all of us, the publicity surrounding the relationship didn’t end there. In 2005, Rodman published his autobiography I Should Be Dead By Now, in which he wrote that Electra like to use the "N" word during sex. Electra of course denied the allegations, but it was still way too much information for anyone to know.
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey: How cute/nauseating were Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey when they first got married in 2002? While you may not be able to remember any of their songs, most of us can remember Newlyweds, the MTV reality show that chronicled Jessica’s burps and ditzy comments and Nick’s admirable patience. Unfortunately, cuteness does not a marriage make, and the couple split after three years. Rumors had been circulating about Nick’s behavior at a bachelor party and Jessica’s close relationship with her Dukes of Hazzard co-star Johnny Knoxville. While on paper the couple said their break-up was amicable, an intense media frenzy surrounding the divorce recorded several awkward moments as the two ran into each other at public events and began dating other people.