November 24th, 2010

Gift-Giving In a New Relationship

By Vanessa Jones

The holiday season is around us in full swing, so what’s to stress about? If you recently started dating someone and are freaking out about what to get them as a gift, take a deep breathe and relax. While gift-giving can be tricky for new couples, there are some standard tips to go by to make the experience less of a nightmare for you. The following are tips to help you pick out the perfect gift:

  • Evaluate the Type of Gift: Think about and consider how long you’ve actually been involved with each other and go on that. Some people really look into gifts, so it is best to choose one that reflects your feelings and thoughts. If you haven’t been dating long, go with something that’s cutesy and fun. If you’ve been dating a little longer or knew each other before, it’s okay to give a little more.
  • Don’t go Overboard: If the two of you have not been dating very long, don’t go with a gift that is too much or too expensive. This may give your significant other the wrong idea. It may also lead him or her to think that you are trying to buy their company or give the wrong impression that you are trying to flaunt something. Remember, sometimes less is more.
  • Pay Attention to What They Like: Observe what your partner wears, what kind of accessories they seem to like, whether or not they wear perfume or cologne, or what types of sports or things interest him or her. Paying attention to their likes and what they seem to be interested in can come as big help when its time to choose a gift. It also helps to pay close attention to what they say, as they might mention certain things they like and don’t like.
  • Take Him or Her Shopping: Taking someone on a shopping trip with you could be one of the easiest ways to help think of a gift for him or her. Be sure to let the person think they are joining you on a shopping trip and pay close attention to something that may catch their eye. If that doesn’t work, suggest something to your partner to see what he or she thinks about it and how your partner reacts to it.
  • Keep an Eye Out for Needs: Keep a close eye out for something he or she may need. If they are constantly loosing stuff, saying they wish they had more of something, or you notice that they need something, buy it as a gift. That way, it’s a safe way to know your gift will be a hit, and it shows you pay attention.
  • Ask Their Friend for Help: If you don’t feel completely comfortable choosing something on your own, ask someone close to your significant other for help. Ask a brother, sister, close friend, neighbor, or family member with help choosing a gift. Be sure to tell them not to specifically ask your significant other or be too obvious about the help, and be sure they don’t spill the beans.
  • Ask Someone to Help You: If you’re really not too comfortable or don’t really know anyone who knows your significant other well enough to ask for help, ask someone close to you for help. You may be able to get some solid ideas from your friends, siblings, or family members. If that doesn’t work, you can always ask the sales person at the store for some help on a traditional or neutral, but good gift.
  • Keep it Classy: Even if things started off hot and heavy between you two, always be mindful and respectful when it comes to exchanging gifts. You never know who will be around when gifts are opened or whether or not family members and friends will ask to see the gifts they were given. Always keep it tasteful.
  • Go With Something Simple: If you’ve tried everything else, and simply cannot find a gift you are confident in giving, go with something easy and simple. Simple gifts people love are: perfume or cologne, bath salts or lotion packages, flowers and a card, gadgets, a gift card, books, movies, tickets to an event or concert, etc. Just go with your gut, and choose something simple, it’ll be fine.

November 17th, 2010

10 Reasons You’ll Be Single Again On New Year’s

By Vanessa Jones

The new year brings new beginnings, fresh starts and sometimes depressing realizations that you’re still very single. When the clock strikes midnight, you find yourself among a crowd of people kissing, embracing and, for a second, it feels like all you’ve got is yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being single if that’s in fact what you want, but there’s almost always a reason why you are flying solo. Here are 10 reasons you’re single again at New Year’s:

  1. You’re afraid of commitment: If you’re afraid of commitment, don’t expect to have a girlfriend or boyfriend for more than a couple months. If you want to have a relationship that won’t end when you hear "I love you," then consider dating someone who isn’t looking to get married any time soon and also wants to take things slow. If you want to keep your options open and not let anyone in, then put up that wall and you’ll find yourself single at New Year’s again.
  2. You’re not over your last relationship: If you’re still pining over your ex and what you once had, you’ll definitely be flying solo for New Year’s. No one wants to date someone who isn’t over their last relationship and can’t stop talking about it. You can bet that while you’re sitting at home thinking about your ex, he or she is out there having a ball and not thinking about you. So, stop the pity party and move on.
  3. You don’t date: If you don’t date because you’re preoccupied with your job, afraid of the opposite sex or don’t have time, you will most definitely be single at New Year’s. If you think you are too good to date, you’ll never find someone. Sure, giving your heart to someone puts you in a vulnerable position and you could end up hurt, but you could also learn a great deal about yourself, relationships and even, gasp, fall in love.
  4. You date the wrong people: Some people don’t date and some people just don’t know who to date. If you have a track record of dating sleaze balls, prima donnas and people who are so wrong for you, it may keep you from being able to hold a relationship. Although some relationships can feel like a complete waste, try to learn something valuable from each experience and figure out what you want and don’t want in a significant other.
  5. You’re in love with yourself: Self-love is fine and dandy, but if you’re so in love with yourself that you think no one else is good enough, you can go ahead and kiss yourself at New Year’s. Confidence is sexy, but egotism does not bode well in relationships.
  6. You lack confidence: If you lack confidence, New Year’s may be a sad, sad night. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, it’s going to be that much harder to find someone to date you. You may retreat, stand in the shadows of your more outgoing friends and wait for someone to come talk to you, but that just isn’t going to cut it. It’s going to take some effort and confidence to let others see how great you are, and the rest will be history.
  7. You scare away the opposite sex: Whether it’s your weak pick-up lines, awkward conversations or bad breath, you might be single for New Year’s yet again. If you find yourself scaring away the opposite sex at "hello" or after two months of dating, you may want to retrace your steps and see where you went wrong. Maybe it was nerves, insecurities or lack of chemistry, but continue to be yourself and put yourself out there because someone good will eventually come around.
  8. You’ve stopped trying: Maybe you’ve let yourself go a little by growing a Grizzly Adams beard or not wearing makeup and quit going out to bars or parties with your friends. You may have simply stopped trying to impress or meet guys or gals because nothing has materialized for you. That’s understandable to an extent, but you’ve got to buck-up and get back out there because you aren’t going to find the man or woman of your dreams sitting on your couch.
  9. You’re a player: If you’re a player, of course you’re going to be "single" on New Year’s night. You may actually have a girlfriend or boyfriend, but that isn’t going to stop you from picking up other girls or guys. This is a sad lifestyle choice, and you only have yourself to blame when you get burned.
  10. You’re always in the friend zone: If you find yourself always ending up in the friend zone, where a person views you as a friend and not a romantic partner, then you’ll likely be single again on New Year’s. This can be a difficult zone to escape, but you’ve got to make the other person see that you’re more than just a nice guy or girl and you’d make an excellent mate. In order to do so, you may have to make a gutsy move, like asking them out or kissing them at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s.

November 10th, 2010

5 Sure-Fire Signs You Should Kick Him (or Her) to the Curb

By Vanessa Jones

Sure, every relationship is going to experience the joys of good days and the annoyance of bad days. It’s when you start experiencing too many bad days and forget what it was like to be happy, that you start to think that it may be time to review your relationship. While breaking up is hardly ever easy, if you find yourself thinking about it more often than not, it’s probably time to end it with what you thought was Mr. (or Mrs.) Right. Holding on to a relationship can be more harmful to either or both parties, and will only become worse with time. Here are some signs to let you know it’s probably time to kick your significant other to the curb:

  1. You’re Not on the Same Page: It’s possible that the two of you are seeing things on a different level and don’t want the same things anymore. This is something that definitely needs to be shared and talked through. Pick a good time and place to talk and be completely honest. If the relationship is becoming serious, and you don’t have the same goals in life, or your partner treats the relationship casual, while you feel it is going to something more serious, it is best to cut ties. If you haven’t been dating very long, you may want to wait on this conversation for a couple of months to establish feelings and such before you have a "where is our relationship going" chat. Remember, changing is a part of growing, and the fact that things change doesn’t mean it’s anyone’s fault, it just means it’s better to realize it and move on.
  2. Constantly Pulling the Disappearing Act: If you spend more time alone or with your friends than you do with your partner, it may be a sign that things are going south quick. If your significant other is constantly jumping into the next room to check or answer the phone, it may be a sign the relationship is over. The same applies for email, texts, and your partner finding the need to be top secret with his or her life. If your partner would rather spend their time with their friends and other people on a regular basis, you need to end things. There will obviously be times when he or she has other plans or has something else going on, but if you constantly find yourself hanging out alone, and sad and lonely about it, it is just not worth your pain to hold on- send ‘em packing.
  3. You’re Unhappy: You should always take your feelings and instincts to heart. If you are unhappy and your partner does not show the least bit of interest for your feelings, then that person is simply not worth your time. Being in a relationship means that the two of you are supposed to be a team, communicate with each other, and make each other happy. If you feel your unhappiness is being caused by your partner, then it is probably a sign that you need to continue on without this person in your life. This is especially true if you have talked to your partner about your feelings and the way he or she makes you feel, and nothing has changed. Chances are, things will not get any better and you will realize down the road that you wasted your time.
  4. That Feeling is Gone: There will be days when one or both of you is having a bad day and things may seem a little off, that’s pretty normal. However, if things have changed by a day and night comparison, it’s probably a sign that one or both of you isn’t feeling it anymore. If you feel like you are constantly annoyed or disappointed in the action’s exercised by your partner, keep a close eye out for this. Finding yourself thinking about happier days and the days when your partner acted in a nice and loving manner, could certainly be a sign. Your gut instincts are usually right, and if it’s gotten so bad that you can’t even stand the thought, much less to look at your partner, you know it’s over. If that feeling is gone, there is a little to no chance that things will be same again.
  5. There is no Trust : There are few, if any, things more important in a relationship than trust. If there is a lack of trust in a relationship, it is only a matter of time before it kills the relationship. If you find yourself constantly wondering if your partner is lying about something, hiding something, or doing something you would not approve of, it will continue to cause problems down the road. If your partner gives you a reason to be suspicious and question their trust, chances are it is for a good reason. Not having trust in a relationship will cause small and frequent arguments, which are not worth it because trust is hard to earn back, and it will eventually tear the relationship apart. Do yourself a favor and end a relationship when trust is not present, you’ll be doing yourself a huge favor.