October 15th, 2010

6 Reasons to Slow Down Before Getting Married

By Vanessa Jones

Marriage is a very serious commitment that shouldn’t be rushed. As romantic as it is to escape and elope privately or get married on a whim, there are too many important things to consider before taking the plunge. Sure, you and your partner may be madly in love and know that you want to spend the rest of your lives together, but have you discussed children and career goals, or have you met with a premarital counselor to prepare for the ups and down of marriage? If you answered no to any of these questions, you may be getting ahead of yourself. Marriage is for a lifetime; and if you do it right the first time, once is enough. Here are six reasons not to rush into marriage:

  1. Divorce: One of the top reasons not to rush into marriage is the high rate of divorce in America. According to a CDC report by the National Center for Health Statistics, there were 6.8 marriages per 1,000 people and 3.4 divorces per 1,000 people in 2009. Although the marriage and divorce rates have fallen slightly, divorce remains a serious issue that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Infidelity, financial struggles and lack of time are some of the top reasons people get divorced. Until you have considered all of these factors and have spoken to your partner about them, you may not be ready for matrimony.
  2. It’s for a lifetime: If you truly believe in the institution of marriage and upholding marital vows, then you will promise to "love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy as long as you both shall live." Marriage is forever; not until things get rocky and you give up. This commitment cannot be taken lightly. So, unless you are prepared to spend the rest of your life with this one person, you may be rushing marriage.
  3. You don’t really know your partner: If there is anyone you should know like the back of your hand it’s your partner, especially before you get married. Sure you know his or her favorite movie, pet peeves and goals, but have you thoroughly discussed religion, careers, children, politics, division of labor and in-laws? You may be surprised by your partner’s answers to some of these pressing topics, and they may not fall in line with your beliefs or plans for the future. These conversations generally come up when you’ve been dating someone for a long time and grow closer. No matter how in love you are after a couple months of dating, you most likely don’t know each other well enough to get married. Only with time, experiences and open communication will you truly know your partner.
  4. It’s expensive: Marriage is an expensive union. Although every couple handles their expenses and budgeting differently, finances need to be discussed beforehand so your marriage doesn’t end up costing you money. Taxes, major purchases, investments and personal financial goals are all things that need to be considered before you jump into marriage. It’s so important that both partners understand their individual financial responsibilities and have money management skills before merging their lives and bank accounts.
  5. Marriage is not easy: Anyone who thinks marriage is a piece of cake is fooling themselves. It takes a great deal of patience, cooperation and sacrifice to better one another and do what’s best for the relationship. You have to be prepared for this kind of commitment if you want a marriage to work. Trust, communication, togetherness and appreciation are all key components to keeping a marriage healthy and balanced. There will be many ups and downs in a marriage that will test the strength of your love, but if you are committed to talking through your problems and working as a team to find a solution, you’re doing it right.
  6. Fear of ending up alone: As romantic as it sounds to get married after only knowing each other for a short period, it is not a realistic or smart move. If you are getting married because you think you’ve found the right one and don’t want to let him (or her) go, you could be doing yourself a serious disservice. Getting hitched because you don’t want to end up old and alone is not a good reason. You have to make sure you are making the right decision and you are getting married for the right reasons. This usually comes with time, communication and considerate planning.

October 6th, 2010

The Truth About “Friends With Benefits”

Sure, there are two sides to every coin. Just like in anything else, there are pros and cons of having friends who are a little more than just friends. Sometimes they work out great, and other times the issues commonly start when one person starts feeling a little differently about the "friends" part. For the most part, as long as both parties can agree on where the two parties stand, then problems shouldn’t really arise. Here, are some ups and downs of "friends with benefits":

The Ups

These are the things about "friends with benefits" that can make it worth the while.

  • No Strings Attached: Having no strings attached means that friends that have special benefits don’t fall into normal relationship standards. They basically can date and see other people as they please, and are not really committed to their "friend." They generally enjoy dating around and having relations with several different people. This can definitely be a plus for people who just want to have relations with others that do not want the pressures and limits of a relationship.
  • Convenience: There’s no doubt that a "friends with benefits" scenario can be convenient for both parties. It usually means the two parties can casually call or meet up at random times to hook up. It gives them both the opportunity to go out with other people and use the "friend" for benefits and when you are looking to have a good time. This also cuts the whole dinner, drinks, and pretending to care bit.
  • It’s Comfortable and Fun: Having this type of deal, usually means that the two involved are comfortable with each other and that their relationship is casual. Many people who take advantage of the "friends with benefits" scenario like that they are already comfortable with the person they mess around with, so it’s easy. This usually eliminates dating or having an awkward sexual encounter with a stranger.

The Downs

These are the things about "friends with benefits" that make you want to cut all ties.

  • Becoming Too Involved: A downside to "friends with benefits" is that sometimes, one person may become too involved. One person may start becoming too interested in what the other is doing, or asking too many questions and it can put a strain on relations. If the two aren’t clear on the arrangements and how it works, there is a strong possibility things will not end well.
  • Jealousy Issues: Jealousy issues can also be a downside to these kinds of relationships. If one person starts to become attached, they may start fights and arguments by being jealous of other people or other relationships their partner might have. Jealousy issues may also occur when one of the parties involved changes their feelings about the situation and doesn’t speak up about it.
  • The Risk of Loosing a Friendship: These situations can end badly. When these type of deals end badly, there is a possibility that the friendship will be ruined. If the friendship is really important to the people involved, sometimes that is enough for them to realize and decide that a "friends with benefits" relationship probably isn’t the best idea for them.
  • It May Taint an Image: Engaging in a "friends with benefits" relationship is just fine for those who aren’t looking to settle down. People must keep in mind though, that they may eventually want to settle down. If the person has an image and is known for having a lot of "friends with benefits", it may make it hard for the right person to trust that person or cause that new person to question their motives and intentions.